


Disc 2: Dancing Mad

by ivorytower



Series: Fun With Dirk And Jane [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivorytower/pseuds/ivorytower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The continuation of Fun With Dirk and Jane (Disc 1: Before Meteor)<br/>~<br/>The Meteor and the Golden Vessel are rapidly approaching the new Session. There have been some issues, but they're being cleaned up right now. All they have to do now is merge the Sessions, defeat Caliborn, and everything will be absolutely and completely fine. Right? Right.<br/>...<br/>No.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back! Thanks to each and every person who has commented, kudosed, and read the previous part. As mentioned previously, this part is not finished, so when you hit part 8, there may or may not be a delay for new chapters. I'll try to get back to writing it as quickly as I can. Happy Reading!

TT: Dave.  
TT: Dave, answer your client.  
TT: I don't care if you're dick-deep in Karkat, you need to answer me right now.  
TG: ok first  
TG: do i interrupt you when youre knucks deep in your hot vampire gf  
TT: Yes, all the time.  
TG: fine  
TG: but still i wasnt  
TG: i was asleep  
TG: youre the worst seer ever  
TT: I was perfectly aware that you were asleep, I simply wanted to get your attention. Which I have done entirely successfully. Check-and-mate.  
TG: bluh bluh what  
TT: Wake Karkat up so I can invite him to a group chat.  
TG: kk asks quote whats a group chat end quote  
TG: or I guess WHAT'S A GROUP CHAT?  
TT: ...we've been using these clients for years, he doesn't know about the group chat option?

\-- carcinoGeneticist has joined the chat! -- 

CG: NO I DID NOT. WHY DID YOU LET ME WRITE ALL THOSE MEMOS?!  
TT: I assumed you enjoyed talking to yourself.  
CG: ...  
TT: Hang on, let me...

\-- grimAuxillatrix has joined the chat! --  
\-- gallowsCalibrator has joined the chat! -- 

TG: sup tz, kan  
GA: Hello Dave  
GA: Please Excuse Our Interruption  
GA: Of Your Uh Sleep  
GC: WH4T 1S UP?  
TT: Excellent, you're all here. Kanaya and I have discovered something very odd. Unusual and peculiar. Potentially troubling and exciting all at once.  
GA: We Have Been Observing The New Session From A Distance  
GA: It Becomes Easier To Do As We Progress Closer To Our Destination  
TG: ya makes sense  
TG: so?  
TT: So we have observed something. The new Session has five planets.  
TG: wait  
TG: what?  
CG: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?  
CG: THEY'RE YOUR ALTS RIGHT?  
CG: DAVE'S BROTHER AND YOUR MOTHER, YOU'VE EVEN SEEN THEM.  
CG: JOHN'S GRANDMOTHER AND JADE'S GRANDFATHER.  
TT: Correct. Two and two, eight in total.  
TT: Nonetheless, we've observed another planet that has formed. I'm still studying it to gain a name for it, but to the best of my knowledge it is real.  
TG: we got a class-aspect for the player?  
TG: might help us to figure it out  
TT: Yes. Mage of Mind.  
TG: well im out  
GC: OOH 4NOTH3R M1ND PL4YER  
GC: D3L1C1OUS  
TT: I'm concerned that it means that the Session is being tampered with.  
TG: duh rose  
TG: duh  
TT: I mean more so than usual.  
TT: I want to investigate how this could have happened. I will as we approach, but as we approach, there's a second matter that needs to be addressed.  
TG: oh?  
TT: Gamzee.  
TT: Don't leave Terezi.  
GC: 1 SHOULD--  
GC: D4MN1T.  
TT: Karkat, is Gamzee going to snap out of this on his own? Be honest.  
CG: NO.  
CG: WE AREN'T MOIRAILS ANY MORE.  
CG: THAT ENDED A LONG TIME AGO.  
GA: You Should Have Said Something Sooner Karkat  
GA: I Could Have Auspiticized  
CG: TELL ME HONESTLY THAT YOU WOULDN'T JUST CUT HIM IN HALF.  
CG: GO ON.  
GA: You Know I Cannot  
GA: When Words Fail Chainsaws Will Prevail  
TG: so hot  
TG: do me  
GA: You Are Not My Type  
GA: Sorry Dave  
TG: figured  
TG: so what do we do  
TG: kill him?  
TT: Any solution that relies on violence to win the day will fail.  
TT: Negative emotion will only make him stronger, and destroy us as well.  
TT: We must be utterly rational.  
TG: obviously you have an idea  
TG: so lets hear it  
TT: I do. I intend to trap him and alter his mind so that he can control his rages.  
TT: The pies functioned to keep him sedate but as a consequence he was lethargic, and also, they are finite.  
TG: pi goes to infinity rose  
TG: come on  
CG: SHUT UP AND LET HER TALK FUCK.  
TG: she talks a ton man geez  
TT: There's a mental trigger, I am certain. We need to find it. Terezi, once we have him, can we count on you?  
GC: 1F YOUR PL4N WORKS 1 W1LL LOOK  
GC: 4ND ONLY TH3N  
TT: Good.  
TG: so how are you going to trap him  
TG: like he basically doesnt come out unless hes fucking with us  
TG: or fucking one of us  
CG: ...  
GC: ...  
TG: im saying what were all thinking  
TT: I'm thinking Arby's.  
TG: rose that was a totally irrelevant remark in the middle of a serious discussion  
TG: im so proud of you  
TT: I know. I'm a little flustered, but I'll recover.  
TT: I need a dead Dave.  
CG: WHAT?!  
TG: no prob  
TG: where do you want it  
TT: I have a corridor already picked out.  
TT: I'll guide you to it once you have the body.  
TG: ill go take care of that  
TG: kk help me out  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?  
TT: No he's fucking you.  
TG: no im  
TG: damnit rose  
GA: I Dont Mean To Interrupt This Strategic Discussion Of Who Is Having Sex With Who But There Is Something You Should Know  
TT: Yes?  
TG: ya?  
GA: There Is A Sixth Planet Now  
TT: ...how does this keep happening?  
GA: The Answer Is Not Clear  
GA: But I Believe It Relates To New Players Entering The Session  
TG: so whats this one  
TG: anyone we know  
GA: I Do Not Believe So  
GA: From What I can Observe From Here The New Player Is  
GA: Oh This Is Interesting  
TT: What is it?  
TG: ya dont leave us hanging  
GA: The Thief Of Doom

\--

I'm so bored right now you don't even know.

So bored.

Soooooooo booooooooored.

There are so many people here. So many. A cornucopia of people you might even say. The problem is, most of those people are Consorts. The vast majority in fact. Consorts are, well, it's kind of mean to say, but they're not all that smart, you know?

The people who aren't are Consorts tend to be Sprites. Nannasprite is awesome. I'm so glad I had the chance to meet with her and spend time with her, even if she's not really my Nanna. There's also Jaspersprite. Becsprite is now part of Jade. Then, of course, there's... Davesprite.

Sigh. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Davesprite is my fault. I know it's my fault. I guess I don't feel like 'roll around in a pile of angst' upset about it, but I do feel really bad. If I hadn't been stupid, he wouldn't exist. He wouldn't have suffered. Jade from that timeline wouldn't have died, and Rose and Dave wouldn't have been stuck in that doomed timeline for so long.

That's why I have to remember he's Dave _sprite_ , you know? The Dave I basically got killed. The Dave I doomed because I thought listening to someone I barely knew was a good idea. He's got Jade, though. Davesprite, I mean. I don't know if Dave ever liked Jade that way? I don't really know how different they are now.

I've never asked, and I don't even know if Davesprite knows. I wonder if Davesprite is mad at me for it. The doomed thing. Not any of the other things. I wouldn't blame him if he did. He's so cool and aloof all the time. The most cool. The most aloof. The most orange and ghost-butt-y.

“S'up, John?”

I wonder how you do stuff with a ghost-butt? I mean, it's a ghost-butt. Does it transform? Can you change into real legs or is it stuck like that? Man, I'm so bored--

“John!”

“Ah!” I fall off my couch, onto the floor. Davesprite peers down at me. “Oh, hi Davesprite!”

“Hey, John.” He can't really help me up, so I roll around until I'm facing the right way up. “Can we talk?”

“Sure!” I say. “What's up?”

“We're getting pretty close to the new Session,” he says. “So I'm going to teleport the rest of the way.”

“Oh, okay.” I prop myself up on my elbows. “Guess you really want to see your brother, right?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs slightly. “You need to take care of Jade, okay?”

“Well, of course,” I say, smiling. “We're going to miss you a lot, but especially Jade.”

“Yeah,” he says again. “Alright, see you.”

I watch him for a minute as he queues up a player list and narrows in on 'Dirk Strider'. Hey, cool. Oh look, Nanna's on that list too. Well, young Nanna. Alive Nanna. I wonder what she's like. I wonder... wait...

“Hey, Davespr--” And he's gone. “Remember that time I got my friends killed and it created a doomed timeline? I'm sorry.”

Sigh.

\--

TT: So, how are the cooking lessons going?  
GG: Messily. He's more flexible than you were, but less precise.  
TT: So you're telling me that you're covered in flour and/or edible things right now.  
TT: And I'm missing it.  
GG: It's not nearly as sexy as it seems, buster. >:(  
TT: Sorry, sorry.  
GG: Obviously I'm not mad.  
GG: How goes the exploration of that new world that popped up?  
TT: It's weird. It looks like it's dying, almost. It seems resistant to change.  
GG: Hm, but it's not hibernating the way ours were?  
TT: It looks like no. This world seems to be what it would have been like had our Session been normal.  
GG: According to Roxy and Kris, there have been no changes to the Dersites and Prospitians since it showed up, so it hasn't as-such been added to the Prototyping chain.  
TT: It fits and it doesn't fit since there are gates, but no Sprite.  
GG: It's weird.  
TT: This whole process has been weird.  
GG: Indeed. At least we should have left the majority of the drama behind us.  
TT: Yeah. Roxy and Kris are happy. The three of us are happy.  
GG: Very happy. The most happy.  
TT: I guess the only thing I wish I knew was when those other people are supposed to be coming.  
GG: I wish I knew as well.  
TT: One of them will be my brother. I've never met him, I only know him through his media, and what he left in the apartment.  
GG: So he's a complete wreck of a human being.  
TT: Hey.  
GG: Search your feelings, you know it be true.  
TT: I don't think  
TT: Hang on.  
GG: What is it?  
TT: Something just fell from the sky. I'm going to go check it out.  
GG: Be home in time for dinner.  
TT: Yes, dear.  
TT: :)  
GG: :)

\--

I'm not sure what John wanted, but I'm sure it's something the real Dave will be able to answer for him.

That sounds bitter. I'm not, or I am, but I'm not exactly mad at John. I get that John doesn't think I'm the real Dave. I get that he wants to keep us separate, because Dave is his best bro and I'm his duplicate that's cheating death by being a Sprite.

The fact that this Game thinks being a Sprite is sufficiently bad enough to avoid punishment for changing the timeline is kind of telling, and also, depressing. It's not as though I didn't enjoy interacting with Dave. He's me and I'm him. I could help him and we'd be awesome together.

Three years on the ship changed that. Three years with Jade, and John, and Nanna, and the Consorts. I want to be my own person. I want to live my own life. I want to be not-Davesprite. Once the Game ends, Skaia will swallow me whole. Thanks for your participation, but you're in the Wood bracket, please enjoy your complementary oblivion.

Jade knows. We talked about it before we broke up. John doesn't, because I don't want to upset him. He's so... carefree. Like his wind. I doubt he worries much about anything. Hell, I'd be happy if he hadn't already worried about a bunch of things. He's a good person, and I want him to be happy.

Just... fuck this Game. Fuck Skaia. Fuck this weird Session shit. If I'm going to go, I at least want to see my Bro first. I want to apologize for failing to save him, even though he's not my actual Bro, but his ecto-clone. That's okay, though. It doesn't matter.

I'm not the real Dave anyway.

The teleport resolves and--

I'm falling. I'm falling towards a world that's decaying. I can feel it. All around me, oblivion is only a whisper away.

Where the fuck are my wings?! Why didn't I teleport right to Bro? Did Skaia finally get tired of me dicking around with Dave's friends, so now it's going to kill me off for real?

I claw and scratch for safety. There's nothing to be done, not while falling out of the sky.

Fuck you, Skaia! Fuck you and fuck this stupid game and fuck letting me almost feel like a real person before I finally died.

“Fuuuuuuu--”

Angerfearpaindarkness.

Oblivion.

\--

_Do not despair. This is not your final end._

“Hang on.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which someone makes a crash landing, and the plot is summarized in a rather hilarious way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday and this one was late. I have been very distracted. Please enjoy.

TT: Jane.  
TT: Hang on to your fedora, you're not going to believe this.

\-- gutsyGumshoe has changed their name to golgothasTerror \--

GT: Sorry, Jane's a bit busy. I fear that dinner may be a bit delayed.  
GT: *tugs at collar nervously* Hope she's not too angry.  
TT: I'm sure she's not. She loves you too much to be angry for long.  
GT: Whew! *wipes sweat off brow* Speaking of people who we love...  
TT: Absolutely, but this isn't a sap-call. I told Jane I saw something fall out of the sky, and I wanted to follow up with that.  
GT: Oh? Do tell.  
TT: I think it's my brother.  
GT: How... how is that possible? Is he alright?  
TT: Oh, hell no. He got pancaked. Landed right on the roof of the building I was investigating.  
GT: O Gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.  
TT: I'm going to take him to Derse, see if that works.  
GT: Hopefully, though wasn't your brother's Aspect Time?  
TT: I was pretty sure it was, but maybe I was wrong. Either way, if this isn't the right person, I can try to revive him the other way.  
TT: This is so weird, he sounds like a kaleidoscope.  
GT: Ugh, gruesome.  
GT: Speaking of gruesome, I think Jane wants me to clean up.  
GT: Cheerio!

\-- golgothasTerror has gone idle! --

\--

Time is the great destroyer. Nothing is immune to it, nothing can stop its passing.

Even as a Time player, you can only manipulate it, and the Game punishes those who create paradox severely. They're called redundancies. Doomed timelines. Dead ends. Nothing from a doomed timeline survives.

Nothing aside from me. The exception to the rule. The cheater. The copy. The corrupted save file.

Doom and Time walk hand in hand. The wrong timeline leads to Doom. All are Doomed in the end, thanks to the natural passing of Time.

_Snatch victory from defeat._

How?

_Why did you keep that doomed timeline open for so long? It was collapsing around you. You were one of only two people alive in the whole of the world._

I had to make it worthwhile. I had to steal triumph from ruin. It's the only thing that kept me going. To save John. To save Jade. To make Rose's suffering worthwhile. I remember it dying. I remember the very universe around me dying because it wasn't the right one. It was no longer right.

_Reach out for it. Grasp for it. Be the Thief of Doom._

I reach. I grab. I hold.

“Easy, bud. Hands off the poofy asshole pants. It's okay. You're alive.”

I'm alive.

\--

_Be the Knight of Time == >_

“You're fucking insane,” Karkat says for what has to be the hundredth time since we woke up. “Do you have any idea how demented your thinksponge truly is?”

Trolls have funny words for things. Thinksponge for brain. Bloodpusher for heart. Bulge for dick. Oh, that one I know really well. Also, I'm fucking heavy. Seriously, my me's need to stop being so dense. Hahah shut up Rose. I'm sure you can hear me from here.

“Look, it's not that big of a deal,” I say. “It's not the first time I've disposed of my own dead body and it won't be the last.”

I give Rose a poke.

TG: so what hole do you want me in?  
TT: Oh, I've had a hole in mind for years.  
CG: YOU'RE BOTH DEMENTED.  
TT: Having fun with the group chat function now?  
CG: ACTUALLY I KIND OF AM.  
TT: You have three more turns. See that barely visible patch of floor before it's eaten by utter darkness?  
TG: yeah  
TG: there?  
TT: Yes, right there.  
TG: aw yeah  
TG: right in your hole  
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS?!  
TT: My dark vessel of oblivion has been so empty without you.  
TG: does this count as like  
TG: straight chicken?  
TT: Quite possibly. Actually, it's not a hole yet, it's a floor that I've rigged to collapse once the body is moved.  
TG: thats way less sexy  
TT: Sorry to disappoint.  
CG: SO I GUESS ONCE IT'S DOWN WE JUST... TURN OUR BACKS ON THE BODY?  
TT: That's the idea, yes.  
CG: THEN WHAT?  
TT: We sedate him heavily.  
CG: WITH WHAT, PIES?  
TT: I've heard suffocation is painless.  
TG: thats suicide  
CG: WHAT IN THE SHITFUCKING HELL?!  
TT: Sorry, it's a human pop-culture reference. Though I do intend to suffocate him. Having studied his resilience, it won't kill him and won't permanently damage him, and it's non-violent enough to actually succeed.  
TG: roses mighty pillow boobs strike again  
TT: Not even if you paid me 413 million boondollars.  
TT: I am going to execute a program that will seal the hole and suck all of the air out of the chamber.  
TT: I didn't even write the program.  
TG: yeah it doesnt seem like your thing  
TG: whod you get it from?  
TG: please dont tell me kk  
CG: FUCK YOU TOO.  
TG: Later.  
TT: I contacted Sollux. He warned me that anything Karkat programs is likely to be non-functional, assuming it doesn't blow up the computer it's being run on.  
CG: SOLLUX IS A BULGEWEASEL.  
CG: IN FACT, HE HAS TWO BULGES, AND ONE OF THEM IS HIS PERSONALITY.  
CG: ALSO THAT WAS HIS PROGRAM AND NOT MINE.  
TT: He misses you too, Karkat.  
TG: oops look at that  
TG: just left a body sitting around  
TG: all abandoned like  
TT: I'm tracking him, get out now. I've opened a vent.  
TG: ceiling rose is watching you masturbate  
TT: Not really. Ruminate, perhaps.  
TT: Fantasy is much more compelling than reality in cases of sexual demonstration.  
TG: bluh bluh shut up  
TG: alley oop  
TT: And there you go.  
TG: strider and co out

\--

_Be the Thief of Doom == >_

“Hey, bud. You awake yet?”

I'm alive. My eyes open slowly, because this being a dream would be the icing on the shit-cake. I see someone standing over me. Triangular, distinctive shades. Spiked blond hair. Purple and pink clothes.

...poofy asshole pants. I remember something about that.

Everything around me is purple. Derse. I reach for my Game knowledge, and it shreds and splutters away from me. I'm not a game construct any more. I'm real.

“I'm real,” I say aloud, to make it so. A hand reaches out to me. It doesn't have a puppet in it, so I accept. Slowly, I sit up. “I'm really real.”

“You're really real,” he says to me. This is Dirk Strider. My brother's alternate. “Would you happen to be--”

I hug him tightly. He feels surprised, but he doesn't try to pull away. Joke's on him, now I'm going to hug the shit out of him and vent excess awesome. He hugs me back and strokes my hair. I don't remember my brother being this... good at comforting me.

“Dave,” he says. “It's okay. It's all okay.”

“I'm not... exactly Dave,” I say. “But I can pretend for as long as you need me to.”

“Give me a second to tell Jane, and then I want you to explain it.”

“You're friends with Nannasprite?” I mean, I liked her fine. She's just a cookie baking machine. Bro being friends with her feels weird.

“I guess, yeah, she's a grandmother for you guys.” He runs his hand through his spike-tips. “Just hang on.”

I let him go, and take the chance to look around. My Quest Bed is going inert. Different from the real Dave's. As different as different can be without being chiral. I can see the other two Quest Beds, long quiet. Rogue of Void and Prince of Heart.

Oh man. My brother's special power is Heart.

He lounges on the bed, his glasses flickering. Guess he's got something like iShades. I wonder... I should log in too. I can connect, of course I can, Skaia is the best ISP ever, all the free wifi you can handle – man, I probably shouldn't have cussed out Skaia even with the whole dying thing – and there's Pesterchum waiting for me to log in.

  
**Username:** turntechGodhead  
 **Password: **********  


I pause. I stare at it. No. That's not mine any more. If I get to be a new person, I want...

\-- turntechGodhead has changed their name to stolenSanctity \--

**Users Online:**

golgothasTerror  
gutsyGumshoe  
shadesSlick [idle]  
timeausTestified  
tipsyGnostalgic [idle]

I don't have direct access to my old game knowledge, but I know almost everyone. GT is Jake English, TG is Roxy Lalonde, TT is my brother, and that leaves GG as Jane Crocker. But I don't know who...

\-- stolenSanctity begins pestering shadesSlick at 4:57 pm --

SS: hey

\-- shadesSlick is no longer idle! -- 

SS: Hello. You're new. Oh, are you the sixth bed?  
SS: sixth bed?  
SS: Our Session has two new planets. One is mine so logically the other one is yours.  
SS: i just got here  
SS: fell off the turnip truck  
SS: and by turnip truck i mean i teleported in, got turned into a person who cant fly instead of a sprite that can, and splattered myself against the ground  
SS: Gravity is such a bitch.  
SS: the biggest bitch in the whole wide world  
SS: Are you breaking out into song?  
SS: only if i could rap it  
SS: ...you're definitely **a** Strider.  
SS: i am  
SS: was  
SS: who are you?  
SS: Several years ago, Dirk Strider cloned his brain and used it to create an exceedingly complex and sophisticated version of an answering machine.  
SS: was this answering machine also hella fly?  
SS: I was the most fly pair of shades ever.  
SS: sweet  
SS: To cut years of complex interaction and angst short, I achieved sentience in an event directly related to falling in love.  
SS: aww  
SS: Skaia decided at that point that I was a real boy, and once I borrowed-without-returning a body, aided my friends, and kissed the girl, I died and ascended to God Tier.  
SS: hold up brobot  
SS: i believed you up until this point  
SS: but theres no way i believe anyone cloned from my brothers brain likes girls  
SS: I would mock you, but I think I'll enjoy watching your head explode instead.  
SS: Metaphorically, of course.  
SS: uh what?  
SS: You'll see. Where are you right now?  
SS: kinda walking around on derse  
SS: bros talking to jane  
SS: pretty cool hes friends with her  
SS: im friends with her grandson  
SS: well, both of me is  
SS: Both of you?  
SS: im dave strider from a doomed timeline  
SS: john did something pretty dumb but trusting  
SS: it got him killed and another of our friends killed  
SS: so i went back in time to stop him from doing that stupid thing  
SS: which created a paradox  
SS: Fascinating. How did you survive the clean up process?  
SS: prototyped myself into daves sprite  
SS: so i became davesprite  
SS: I see.  
SS: when we were in the doomed timeline rose and i gathered as much information as we could from the session  
SS: so when rose died the information mostly went back to her other self  
SS: whereas i got to be a gamesprite  
SS: infinite and constrained  
SS: dave and rose from the correct timeline wound up going on a suicide mission that didnt happen the way they planned  
SS: and they got picked up by the troll meteor  
SS: but john and jade picked up a bunch of prospitians and dersites and consorts and denizens on a giant golden ship and we took off  
SS: weve been travelling to your session for three years  
SS: and the others are close but i was able to teleport ahead of them  
SS: Somehow, you make our experiences fairly dull.  
SS: so what was it like here?  
SS: Previous to the game, the Dersite agents were trying to murder the dreamselves of the other players. They succeeded with Jake and failed with Jane, or rather, they succeeded, but she came back to life.  
SS: baller  
SS: It's not even the first time.  
SS: Dirk had been pretending to be asleep on Derse, and Roxy was a Sleepwalker. Dirk led a popular revolution on Derse which lasted pretty much until the Miles.  
SS: which no one can escape  
SS: (the miiiiiiiiles)  
SS: (The Miiiiiiiiiiiiiles)  
SS: oh god did they try to make it a thing?  
SS: Yes.  
SS: To cut the complex chain of events that got us in short, Dirk wound up Sendificating his severed head to Jake wearing me so that Jake could revive Dirk in his Dream body, and in turn Dirk revived Jane, grabbed revived-Roxy, and sailed off on his rocket-powered skateboard to victory.  
SS: holy fucking trees with dicks  
SS: When we entered, no one prototyped any of their Sprites, so we wound up with a Null Session. All of the planets were dead, or so we thought. The tombs of the Consorts indicated they'd waited for so long that they were commanded to dig their own graves.  
SS: wow shit  
SS: were going to be merging our sessions  
SS: youll have a space and a time player and all kinds of mad prototyping  
SS: and john  
SS: youll like john  
SS: I'm sure we will, but I'm being informed that Dirk's conversation with Jane is done, and he's going to take you home and feed you. You'd best be housebroken, lest Ms. Crocker end you.  
SS: lol ok see you soon  
SS: before you go whats your actual name?  
SS: Kris.  
SS: cool


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Davesprite meets the Alpha Team, they have dinner, and eats Jane's fine-ass pie.

TT: So, update on the status of the fallen star.

\-- golgothasTerror has joined the chat! -- 

GG: I'm all ears.  
GT: *approximates the look and mannerisms of a very contrite pup*  
GG: Yes, you can participate too. Silly.  
GT: Woof woof!  
TT: I can't tell if that's adorable or really weird.  
TT: Anyway, the Quest Bed was his, and now he's awake. I would also like to submit for the record that I am jealous of him getting to wear real pants.  
GT: Suddenly, so am I.  
GG: Oh, settle down you two. *I* appreciate your costumes even if you don't.  
GT: That doesn't help as much as you think it does, Janey.  
GG: :B  
TT: He says he's Dave but not exactly.  
GG: ...if it's Ammit again, I'm going to fork him right in the chest.  
TT: I don't think so. For one thing, Skaia accepted him as a Player. It wouldn't do that if he weren't a person.  
TT: The other thing is, when I said your name, he referred to you as Nannasprite.  
GG: I'd very much like to know the chain of events that led to my alternate self becoming a Sprite.  
TT: We can certainly ask. I've invited him over for dinner.  
GG: You're going to have to eat for two instead of for three.  
TT: Give him Kris' portion.  
SS: Not on your life.  
TT: Sneaky.  
SS: Talking to the kid. I'll let him explain his story to you personally, but the gist is that he's the time-clone of our brother Dave that survived the natural clean up process of such by prototyping himself into Dave's Sprite, then was separated from him through 'shenanigans', has been travelling to our Session for three years and teleported to us once he got into range, only to become a Player which led to his swandive.  
TT: This is 'the gist' of the story?!  
GT: I think it makes complete and total sense, don't you?  
TT: ...  
GG: ...  
GT: *double pistols and winkangiengagenpa  
GT: JANE!  
GG: >:B  
SS: So should I tell him we're done?  
TT: Yeah.  
SS: And done.  
GG: See you all at dinner.

\--

Once the worlds were unlocked, we didn't really do a lot with the houses. I don't think John even cleaned up. Jane's house is different. It looks like it was based on the same design as John's, but it's been expanded, and of course, it has a tower that touches the sky.

“Once we unlocked our worlds, we decided to expand the house. It lets us stay together,” Dirk says, following my gaze. “We've all had some 'being alone' issues over time.”

“Being alone issues?” I ask. This place is one of the greenest places I've ever seen. Trees that glow, grass as far as the eye can see, cascading waterfalls from helium balloons and a big, wrap-around garden with huge flowers, fruits and vegetables. “Incredible place.”

“Used to be dead,” Dirk says. “Yeah, being alone issues. Roxy, Jake, and I all grew up alone, Jane didn't, but she grew up being guarded constantly. Not a fun thing for any of us.”

“Does that mean you're in each others' faces all the time?” I ask, grimacing. The ship was so crowded all the time, and Bro... back when Bro was alive and there was only one of me, Bro and personal space only had fleeting relations with one another.

“Nah,” Dirk says as we head up the looping walkway. “That's why we expanded the house... but even if we're not in the same room or on the same floor, we still keep in touch. None of us are alone.”

“I guess that's okay,” I say, slowly. “But what if--”

“Oh-em-gee, is this our new baby bird?!” I hear from the doorway, and then I get hit with a shoulder-tackle and go sprawling on the pretty, orderly grass.

“Ahholyfuckwhat?!” I cry, because I am the most brilliant of all Striders, it is me.

“Easy, Roxy,” Dirk says, but he's smiling, the asshole. I can feel him smiling.

The force of nature – Roxy – gets off of me and goes to hug Dirk, which he tolerates with what for most people is a stoic look and for a Strider is a big grin. Okay, head-exploding this is not. She's his Rose. More excited, less sarcastic, but still. Rose.

“Janey and Jake have everythin' ready for dinner, finally,” Roxy says, her rolling eyes that are – okay, pink, I suppose none of us can criticize – and putting her arm around Dirk's waist. I push myself up and fall into step behind them.

“How bad was the mess Jake made?” Dirk asks as I look around. It's hard to believe this place was ever dead. So alive. The most alive. There are even bees – wait, robo-bees? The fuck?

“I'm pretty sure Janey was only kidding when she said she was going to ban him from the mixing bowl,” Roxy says. “I'm also supposed to poke you and tell you that mixer explosions are not sexy.” Dirk curves away a little, presumably from the poke. “Not sexy.”

“I yield, I yield,” Dirk says, even as his hand comes up to tug one of her curls. She squeals and swats at his hand.

I feel really alone now.

I don't know any of these people. This isn't my brother. Roxy's not Rose. Jane's not going to be anything like Nannasprite.

Fuck. Thanks, Skaia. Thanks so fucking much.

Roxy opens the door and hollers that Dirk and Dave are here. Oh boy, I get to be Dave for a bit. Fun. Someone with a voice that is and isn't familiar orders us to wipe our feet and wash our hands before coming into her kitchen.

It's so domestic that I may puke cotton candy. We have a minor strife over the sink, which Roxy wins. She totally and completely wins, then Dirk, and me last. After that, we go to the kitchen. There are three people inside it, one of whom looks half-robot.

“Yo,” I say. “Sup?”

“Hello, Dave,” the half-robot says, with just such an inflection that it makes you wonder if he's about to start singing about Daisy. “We talked on Pesterchum, my name is Kris.”

“Kris,” I agree, and offer my hand, which he shakes. “I'm not exactly Dave.”

“Close enough for government work,” he says. His voice sounds like Dirk's but with something of a metallic hint to it. I wonder if that weirds anyone out. Roxy doesn't seem to mind, she drapes her arms around him and gives him a big ol' kiss. Fine, I get it. This is said girl.

Meanwhile, Dirk is talking to the other two people in the kitchen. One is a guy that looks like Jade and John's lovechild, which is presumably where his ectobiological crap came from. This must be the infamous Jake, ruiner of kitchens. Dirk leans in and kisses him. Not a surprise. Not brain-exploding.

The other person, who by process of elimination is Jane, shoos Jake to the table with a platter. Dirk say something, too quiet for me to hear, and leans in to kiss her. It is not a small kiss. It is not a platonic kiss. As the trolls would say, it's a hella flush kiss, especially judging by the way Jane's fingers curl around his biceps.

“Did he... did they... both?” I manage, articulate as fuck.

“Told you, little brother,” Kris says with a grin. “Boom.”

“Boom,” I agree. The face-sucking process stops long enough for Dirk to carry another plate to the table, and then Jane has two balanced on each arm, ready to be set down on the table.

“Uh, are we eating all of this?” I ask.

“You are,” Jane says. “Nice to meet you, Dave. I have encountered lookalikes.”

“Still are, I'm afraid.” I shrug, and try not to see John in that sympathetic look she gives me. Try and fucking fail. Yeah, okay, fine, I get you're pupa-Nannasprite. Don't ask me to bake cookies and talk about my deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy hidden by hella fly shades. Just don't.

“We're all curious to hear about your journey, but first you should eat,” Jane says, sitting down finally to eat. She murmurs a prayer, with all eyes on her. I didn't think my brother was religious. As it would seem, he's not, because when he tries to sneak his fork towards his food, he jerks as though he got kicked.

No, this is worse than domestic. This is slap a collar on him and call him Mister Pussums. At least the prayer is short. We dig in, no one talking for the first minute. The reason this happens is because the food is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted, between my pre-Game Strider life and my in-Game inability to eat or produce anything from an Alchemiter other than Gushers.

Gushers are nasty and that's a fact.

“Did you make all of this by hand?” I ask, breaking the silence. “Wouldn't that take all day?”

“I did, and it usually takes a few hours,” Jane says, smiling. “I enjoy it, though. We have a steady supply of low-level grist that we use, assuming we can't grow it here. It's mostly for the meat.”

“What are you using for it?” I ask. Suddenly, everyone is rolling their eyes. Okay, what?

“Grass,” she says. “It grows pretty swiftly, so we have to cut it regularly, and we use the organic waste for alchemizing. We're keeping higher-level grist for major building projects, like gate unlocking, or house expansion.”

“Yeah, I hear you guys all live together,” I say. “Doesn't that get really crowded and in-your-face after a while?”

“It does, that's why we have our own suites as well as a big common room,” Jane says. She gives Dirk this little smile. “I'm sure you'll find the quiet corner fast enough.”

Okay. It's back to food. This meal is huge, like something out of dorky Christmas movies. I listen to them talk. They have their own business, their own routine. Kris apparently does the grass-cutting, when he's not working on his world. Roxy, when not with Kris, helps patrol and monitor the herds of creatures that have come to live on the worlds.

Curious salamanders and hissing crocodiles and ponderous turtles and clever iguanas. Consorts reborn as animals, because the consorts are no longer needed, but they want to live again.

Hella sappy, guys. Hella sappy.

Jane is teaching Jake to cook and take care of the house so they can take turns doing it. Dirk used to, but he's been exploring my world, which is where I teleported to, where Skaia decided to throw me a 'surprise, you're a person' party.

“What's my world like?” I ask. They all look over, and I eat a little more, like it's nothing to have five pairs of eyes all looking at me curiously. Yeah, yeah.

“It's the Land of Skyscrapers and Radon,” Dirk says. “And it's decaying.”

“That sounds thrilling.” I make a face, and Jane makes an encouraging noise.

“Well, your Aspect is Doom,” she says. “So it's suited to you, especially since as a Thief you'll be able to steal that decay for yourself. Doom is the opposing Aspect to Life, which is my Aspect, but they're actually closely associated rather than being inimical.”

“How do you figure?” I ask, looking into her not-John eyes surrounded by her not-John face. Not Nannasprite, either.

“Death is a part of living, just as it is that for something to die, first it must live.”

“Time is the great destroyer,” I say. “Take anything, wait enough time, and it'll be gone. Decaying or dying or rusting over.”

“Wait enough time, and a dead world becomes a living one,” Jane says. “A child becomes an adult. A seed becomes a tree. Wait again and the tree becomes a rotting log. An adult becomes a corpse. A living world dies.”

“This is where we start singing Circle of Life,” Kris interjects. “The point is, though, is that Life and Doom are pretty much tied to one another the way other Aspects and their opposites aren't.”

“All who are born, die,” Jane says. “All who die are reborn.”

“That's fucking zen.”

“All who are presently alive get to have pie if they finish their dinner,” Jane adds, raising an eyebrow.

“Fuck yes, pie,” Roxy says. “Eat your dinner, kiddo. We need to get some of Janey's fine-ass pie all up ins.”

“What if I don't like pie, and I don't care,” I ask. It is a blatant lie. I want to try some of Jane's fine-ass pie, if nothing else because Nannasprite didn't really do pie. “Would you just not have pie if I said I don't want any?”

They all stare at me, like I'm a goddamn idiot. I eat. Mm, mashed potatoes.

“I'm afraid not,” Jake says, finally. “There's politeness to guests, and then there's pie.”

I laugh, even when it starts to hurt. I laugh and I laugh as they smile.

“Yeah, okay,” I say, finally. “Pie.”

\--

I shouldn't have eaten so much. I'm dying.

“You're not dyin', kiddo,” Roxy says, and hands me a dripping plate. “You just need to pace yourself.”

“I haven't eaten anything in three years,” I say. “Sprites don't really eat, and we don't feel anything when we do.”

“Bummer,” Roxy says, and washes another plate. I dry, and stack. “Before that?”

I shrug. “My bro and I didn't do a lot of cooking. We kept swords in our fridge.”

“Janey banned that hardcore,” Roxy replies, with a knowing nod. “Swords on sword-racks, food in fridges, or cupboards.” She waves around. “Which are also not for robo-bits.”

“And I guess not Smuppets either.” I shudder. Fucking Smuppets.

“The fuck's a Smuppet?” Roxy asks, and I roll my eyes.

“Okay, do you know what a muppet is?”

“Yeah,” Roxy says. “Like Kermit and Miss Piggy and shit, right? They have a bazillion movies and they're all legit funny, unlike the crap Jake usually makes us watch.”

“Sounds like John,” I mutter. “With his Nic Cagey and his Matthew Mahogany.”

“McConaughey,” Roxy corrects, and then winks at me. “Yeah, we've watched their stuff before too. It's still not as bad as Waterworld.”

“John loves Waterworld,” I say with a sigh and a shake, like there's no accounting for taste, because there so, so is not. “Anyway, I assume you know what smut is.”

There's a gleam in Roxy's pink eyes that lets me know she could get into a full-blown Strider ramble about smut. I hold up a plate to ward her off. She laughs at me. Jerk.

“A Smuppet is a smut muppet. Or I guess a sex muppet, but they're small, and they've got, like, these lovingly crafted plush rumps and weird twitchy long noses that basically look like featureless dicks.”

“That sounds creepy and hilarious and fuckin' weird,” Roxy says, proving she's the smartest person in this room. “Why would you have one in your kitchen?”

“It wasn't just one, they were fucking everywhere in my house,” I say, rolling my eyes, even though I miss it like burning because it meant Bro was **alive** and I hadn't **failed**. “Because Bro was the one who created them for his webcam smut show.”

“Wait,” Roxy says. “Wait wait.” She puts her finger to her temple, and squeezes her eyes closed, as if she's thinking about it real hard. Which she'd better not actually be doing because Rule 1 is Don't Visualize. “And your Bro is our Dirk, right?”

I sigh. “Yeah. That'd be correct.”

“So what you're saying is Dirk's alt was a muppet peddlin' cam whore who brought his work home with him?” I nod. “Oh em effin' gee, I gotta tell Kris.”

She abandons me with half of a sink worth of dishes and a mad cackle as she sprints out the door. Oh em effing gee, indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dirk and Davesprite bond, there is a flashback, and there is strifing on the roof.

EB: jade  
EB: jade, are you around?  
EB: jade, i'm so bored  
EB: B  
EB: O  
EB: R  
GG: john  
EB: E  
GG: john...  
EB: D  
GG: JOHN!  
EB: hi!  
GG: hi, john  
GG: i get that you're bored, but i can't go any faster, i promise  
GG: for like the millionth time i can't  
GG: >:B  
EB: aw, i know that jade  
EB: i'm just  
EB: you know  
GG: why don't you go talk to dave, play some video games?  
EB: davesprite's not here, you didn't know?  
EB: he went to the new session to go talk to his brother  
EB: said he's in teleporting range  
GG: no, he didn't say, but that makes sense  
GG: thanks for telling me  
EB: i'm surprised he didn't tell you, i mean, he's your boyfriend, right?  
GG: john...  
EB: right?  
GG: we broke up  
GG: we had irreconcilable differences  
EB: that sounds like weird divorce paper stuff  
GG: how do you even know that?  
EB: movies, jade, duh  
GG: right  
EB: what happened?  
EB: really?  
GG: ok fine  
GG: he's not going to grow up, john  
GG: he may not even survive the end of the game  
EB: he's totally badass, of course he will  
GG: john, you know that's not what I mean  
EB: it's what *i* mean, jade  
EB: it means that davesprite is so cool he's just gonna smirk at skaia and be like  
EB: 'bluh bluh i have the power of being a totally cool dude on my side'  
EB: 'i'm going to the new universe will all my friends and you can't stop me'  
GG: john...  
EB: that's what he'd say, jade  
EB: THAT IS WHAT HE'D SAY  
GG: you're a dork, john  
EB: i know :B

\--

So as it turns out, Jane was right, and I figure out where the quiet corner is. Someone – whose name starts with a D and ends with an irk – built a tower that isn't part of the gravity-defying, stomach-hating tower up to the gate. It's got a narrow set of stairs and a big, wide open area with a railing that goes all the way around, and a little shelter for a bed.

It reminds me so much of the apartment Bro and I shared that it makes my stomach lurch.

I failed. I failed **him**.

I can see him hunching over the railing, the lord of all he surveys, with poor posture and grubby jeans. Poofy asshole pants are long gone. No hat, though. I guess he doesn't do hats.

“Hey kid,” Dirk says, and gestures me over. I slouch over to him, resting my arms on the balcony, copying him. “I see you found Privacy Island.”

“Is that seriously what you call this place?” I ask and he gives me a little shrug. “Do you strife up here?”

“Sometimes. Mostly Kris and I. You know how it is. You make fun of your brain-clone for being a mage and wearing a dress. He makes fun of you back for wearing purple and wearing stupid pants. Your girlfriends tell you to take it outside. You do. They bring snacks.”

“What, not popcorn?” I ask, and he shrugs again.

“Apparently Jane doesn't believe hard enough that it's real,” he says. I stare at him.

“You're shitting me.”

“Nope,” Dirk replies. “I've learned it's better not to argue with her nutritional choices.”

“I bet,” I say. I consider. “So. You and her.”

“And Jake,” Dirk adds. He smiles. Actually, genuinely smiles. It's not the big, wide-open kind of grin you'd get from John or Jade, or Rose's too-knowing smirk. It's a little thing, and it stirs an old memory.

_I'm sitting in the office, still, quiet. Not swinging my legs or banging my head against the cheap dividers. Fuck school. Seriously. Waiting for him. Waiting for my Bro._

“ _Dave.” The secretary gives him a disapproving look. He looks too young to be a legal guardian, but old enough to know better. Old enough not to raise a little shit with demon-eyes, anyway._

“ _Bro.” It wouldn't have happened if I was allowed to wear my shades at school. If there weren't some stupid rule. There's a little scrape, a little scar under my eye from when I tried to screw up my vision so I could wear glasses. Prescription shades. Didn't work, I got in shit, and I still see things way too clearly._

“ _Your principal called.” He ambles over to sign me out. Can't quite see his proper signature. I've always just called him Bro. I once faked a signature that claimed his name was Broseph. Got in shit for that too. The secretary purses her lips, but lets him take me._

“ _Yeah.” I stand up, and he takes my hand. His hands are big. Rough. He sands his fingertips though, I've seen him do it. I know, from movies, that safe-crackers do that. He doesn't steal diamonds as far as I know, he just doesn't want to have rough skin snagging on delicate Smuppet ass. Fucking Smuppets._

“ _Said you got in a fight.” I put my shades on as he marches me out of the school. His voice sounds tight. Probably angry. He doesn't need to ask, that's why it's a statement._

“ _Yeah.” He leads me out to his big truck, and I hop up. No need for a step stool or a hand. Why would I need one? I've jumped further. He closes the door and goes around the other side. Climbs in. The keys are in his hand as he waits for me to buckle up. I do, and he does the same. Rests his arms on the steering wheel, waits a minute. I stare really hard at the bird shit on the windshield. Someone should clean that. Messy._

“ _Did you win?” I look up at Bro's triangle sunglasses and rad orange hat and his still face, and there it is, the tiniest of smiles. I smile back, the biggest of smiles, before I'm too cool to smile, too cool to show white teeth._

“ _Yeah.” Ruffles my hair, and gives me a little shove. He starts the truck up, engine loud and growling just before the music hits and the base throbs. I will make that music someday._

“ _Ice cream's on me and the Smuppets.” He rolls down the window, leaning his elbow on the frame. Music's loud enough to boom out from the open window. No one's really around, but he flips the school off anyway, then puts the truck into gear and drives off._

“ _Aw, not **Smuppets**...” Aww, yes. Ice cream._

“You're drifting,” Dirk observes, the Bro of the future. “What's going on?” He reaches out and knocks my forehead with his knuckles, just the way Bro always did. He isn't wearing the gloves, though. Or that hat.

“Hey, why don't you wear a hat?” I ask instead. I can't see him look up, but I can feel it.

“And cover my perfectly styled hair?” he asks, tipping his head back slightly.

“Perfect cowlick, maybe,” I mutter, but I can feel my face twitch. He shoves me. I shove back.

“I like hats, I just don't wear 'em,” Dirk says, eventually. “Maybe other-me decided he liked hats more than I did, or it fit his rooftop ninja mystique?”

“Could be,” I say. “You're not him, though.”

“I'm not,” he says, easily. “Just like Kris isn't me, and you're not Dave.”

“No,” I say. “I'm not.” Bro's smile isn't my memory, it's Dave's. Getting trolled by John into not drinking AJ is Dave's, not mine. Jade...

Well, I screwed up with Jade, and that's mine. Hoo-fucking-ray.

“Which means you need a name,” he says, and I look over at him. He's taking his shades off. Orange eyes. Weird eyes. Just like mine. I take mine off too, and red meets orange.

“A name?”

“Yeah, a name,” he says. “Look, when AR stopped being AR and started being a person, I said he needed a name too. Something he picked because it represented him. You're not Dave. I know it and you know it.”

I nod, staring off into the quilt of green land and blue lakes.

“Why be ashamed of that, though? We aren't who we were from the other timeline. **You** aren't. So pick a name. Something that says that you're your own person. Skaia certainly thinks so.”

“Yeah, when she dropped me from fucking orbit,” I mutter, but I think. I'm not picking another weapon name. Dave's a pretty ordinary name. Short for things sometimes, not short for things at other times.

I look over at Dirk again as he looks over the land, the ruler of all he surveys. I notice the tattoo. He notices me notice it.

“I had one of my bots ink me up,” he says. “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff was my own bro's masterpiece.”

“You liked that, huh?” I ask, and he nods. My face makes that 'smile, dumbass' tingly feeling and I do, a little. “My Bro had his own comic, and I was always worried about falling too far into his shadow, of just copying him.”

“I was never really into comics,” Dirk says. “Robots, and apparently I make great breakfast.”

“Did you even cook before the Game started?”

He makes a soft noise, probably a snort. “No. Jane taught me how. I just ate from the reserve.”

“Did you eat as much then as you did at dinner?”

He shakes his head. “Strict rationing. I had no idea when the Game would start, and I didn't want to starve. I also still had to fight. Like a predator.”

“So you slept most of the time and stole things other people had already killed?” I ask, and I see him shift. Okay, maybe that was a little--

He grabs me, fast as lightning, and noogies me. “Fuck! Shit, man, my hair!”

“Time to give you the family cowlick,” he says, and musses my hair. I could get away but this is... it's funny. It's hella funny. It's my hella Bro.

“Jeff,” I gasp around the headlock.

“Like the character you made up?” he asks, stroking my hair up the wrong way. I wriggle a little, testing his grip. Solid. Hella solid. Hella Bro.

“Yeah, I think it'll work. I can be a Jeff. My other choice is Geromy.”

“Jeff it is,” he says. “Jeff Strider. We're multiplying faster than Paradox Space can handle.”

“Whatever universe we create will be ruled by cool,” I say, and I flash-step away. He straightens, and now he gives me a more familiar smirk. Shades come on. I put mine on and quickdraw the katana that used to live in my chest for a while. Until the day Bro died.

He leaps at me and we clash. Just like old times.

...with no puppets. Never puppets ever, ever again.

\--

GG: Dirk.  
TT: Yes, Jane?  
GG: Are you strifing with our new guest?  
TT: Yep.  
GG: And what brought this on?  
TT: Jeff and I are just messing around.  
TT: With swords on top of a tower.  
GG: As you do.  
TT: As you do.  
GG: Jeff?  
TT: That's the name he's chosen for himself. He's not Dave.  
GG: No, indeed. I suppose it could be worse. It could be Geromy.  
TT: It could be. If I stay up here, will you and Jake..?  
GG: We'll be fine, I'll keep his nightmares away.  
TT: Thank you.  
GG: You're welcome, but you don't need to thank me. I love him too.  
TT: I know, I just...  
GG: Tell me what's on your mind.  
TT: Jeff has these memories of his brother. I have memories of the Dave from my time. Sort of.  
GG: Sort of?  
TT: He left recordings. He guided my studies, gave me an idea of what I should pursue.  
GG: ...and it wasn't art?  
TT: Funny, but no. There were personal touches too. Notes with the caches, sarcastic commentary in the educational material.  
TT: Just the stuff he left me.  
GG: He wanted you to know him, even a little.  
TT: That's what I was thinking.  
GG: It's good that he did. He was thinking about you, caring about you from the distant past.  
TT: Rose did the same for Roxy, she used to tell me about it.  
GG: Perhaps it's not surprising they had that much forethought. Light and Time. I was left with a very heavy tome of practical jokes and a stuffed Grandpa.  
TT: Yeah, I honestly don't feel bad that he got shunted into storage and we never retrieved him again.  
GG: Truthfully, neither do I.  
TT: Jane?  
GG: Yes, Dirk?  
TT: If... or... when we have kids...  
GG: Something I will look forward to when the pair of you are ready.  
TT: Yeah, it'll be both of us... I was just thinking, I'm never going to leave that kid alone. He's going to get all the toys and stuff he could want. Or she.  
GG: We'll all take care of one another, I can promise you that.  
GG: That's what families do.  
TT: Yeah. Speaking of, I think kid's passing out. Jeff, I mean.  
GG: He's not that much younger than you are, you realize.  
TT: He's still a punk kid. A punk Strider kid.  
GG: Tell Jeff I said goodnight.  
TT: I will. Goodnight, Jane. I love you.  
GG: I love you too, Dirk. Goodnight.

\--

“'m not a punk kid,” I mutter. It's strange to feel tired. Strange to get to strife with someone again, especially my Bro. That's one thing I've learned from our battle. He's not **the** Bro, but he is **my** Bro. Dave can just... deal with that.

Dirk prods me towards the bed tucked into the little shelter. There's a plastic, holed sheet to pull over if it starts to rain, but it's clear. I don't even know how much rain this place gets.

I scroll through my Sylladex and find boxers – because like your towel, you should always know where your underwear is – and switch those out for my Thief duds. Dirk, more simply, strips down to same.

“When I was little, really little,” I say, yawning and climbing into bed. “My Bro used to let me sleep with him.”

“Why was that?” Dirk asks, and he lays down, tucking himself against the wall.

“Because he was an absolute shit and told me there were monsters in my closet and under the bed, and then wondered why I wanted to sleep with the guy with the sword.”

“Shit's true,” Dirk says, but sets his katana down on the mattress, sheathed but at hand. Slightly less stupid than sleeping with a gun. “Monsters are everywhere.”

“I knew it was true,” I say, and roll onto my side. “G'night.”

“Goodnight, little bro,” he says back, just like before. Where he can't see it, I smile, just like I did when I was a kid. Back when the greatest danger was being woken up by plush rump and cold toes. It's safe here, with my brother to watch my back, to keep the monsters far, far away. I sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Kanaya discuss some things that really should be addressed and Dave reminisces about his brother and John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember when I wrote this... "I need to advance the plot!" My brain: *dumps a whole bunch of sappy exposition on page* "Well, fuck."

\-- turntechGodhead begins pestering grimAuxiliatrix at ?:?? --

TG: hey kan  
TG: sup  
GA: Hello Dave  
GA: I Am Presently Engaged In What Is Colloquially Referred To As 'Fuck All'  
TG: lol me too  
TG: got tired of listening to the screaming after a while  
TG: fucking freaky  
GA: Juggalos Are Very Good At Screaming  
GA: Unfortunately  
TG: i dont even think theyre really hurting him you know  
TG: but hes got a lot of freaky head shit going on  
GA: I Am Perhaps Not The Most Sympathetic To His Cause  
GA: But It Would Seem So  
TG: hope it works  
TG: hope it doesnt fuck tz up even worse  
TG: hope it doesnt fuck kk up even worse  
GA: I Am Given To Understand That You Put Up A Brave Front  
GA: But You Are Really Just Gooey On The Inside Like Rose  
TG: lies  
TG: damned lies  
TG: and rose is terrifying  
GA: She Is Not  
TG: oh she so is  
TG: but i had a point to this  
GA: Yes?  
TG: any more news on that amazing appearing planet stuff  
GA: No New Planets Have Appeared But The New Ones Appear To Be Changing Slightly  
TG: changing how  
GA: From My Own Experiences And What Rose Has Told Me  
GA: It Is Consistent With The Process Of Unlocking A Planet  
TG: so not only are they new  
TG: their players are working on them  
GA: I Am Curious To Know If There Will Be Two More  
GA: Should You Humans Gain A Rage and A Blood Player You Will Be Even  
GA: Whereas We No Longer Are  
TG: no idea  
TG: but its not like we dont need you or want you around  
TG: because you guys are the shit  
GA: Thank You Dave I Think  
TG: its definitely a compliment  
TG: from a rad dude such as myself  
TG: okay next serious concern  
TG: how long do we have until the meteor hits  
GA: At The General Rate And Speed Of The Meteor  
GA: I Would Approximate We Will Arrive In Three Days  
TG: then we dont have long to figure out how to get off  
GA: I Wouldnt Have Imagined You Would Have Any Trouble Getting Off  
GA: Ugh Now I Am Doing It  
TG: im shedding a tear here kan  
TG: im so proud of you  
GA: To Get Back On Topic I Do Not Know  
GA: The Most Obvious Solution Seems To Involve People In God-Tier Flying The Non-God-Tier People Over To The New Session  
GA: But There Are Only Two God-Tier Players And Four Non-God-Tier Players  
TG: if we could contact the other session maybe they can send someone over  
TG: or jade  
TG: jade has boss teleportation powers  
GA: I Did Not Know Her Well But That Seems Possible  
GA: But She Is The One Merging The Sessions  
TG: shit yeah  
TG: john then  
TG: john can fly for sure  
GA: That Still Leaves One More  
TG: hmm  
GA: There Is One Final Solution  
TG: no good plan was ever called the final solution  
TG: call it plan c  
GA: Very Well  
GA: Plan C Is We Alter The Meteors Trajectory So It Hits One Of The Planets  
GA: We All Confine Ourselves To The Gravity Zero Null Space At Its Core  
GA: We Pray To Your Earth God That It Works  
TG: our earth god is pretty much a dog  
GA: That Is A Barkbeast Correct  
TG: we always kind of called it jades devilbeast but yeah  
GA: Well  
GA: Shit

\--

I take off my shades and rub my eyes. This not sleeping thing is kind of bullshit, even though I haven't actually slept in years.

Fucking Derse. Fucking puppets.

Fuck, I hope Karkat is going to be okay after this. I look over the chatlog again, and stand up. We have something like plans. All of them have holes in them, none of them are great, but it's all we have.

Rose'll know more. Rose needs to know more. It's her job to know more just like it's mine to...

...provide the bodies for her schemes. Not that I mind. When you make a cake, you have to break some eggs. When you protect the timeline, you have to expect a few dead Daves. I said I wouldn't time travel again. Not to create loops and close circles, our mistakes are ours now.

I'm going to the null space.

The meteor is weird. Huge and carved out but ragged and wild. The last piece of the Outer Ring from the trolls' Session. It's got creaking, scary staircases and teleportation pads and a room filled with computers. It's got the lab where Bro and I were born, and other-Dave and Dirk Strider. I never did know my brother's real name. Though there was one time I faked his signature as 'Broseph Strider'.

Man, I got in shit for that. It was so funny. Totally worth all that skanky puppet ass. I shake my head a little. I miss him a lot.

The meteor also has a core that's free from gravity. We call it the null space. I practice there with Karkat, with Terezi when she's sober, even with Rose and Kanaya. It's big, about the size of an empty room.

We could fit inside it. Strap ourselves in so we don't die from the inertia. Inertia's a property of matter.

Thanks, Bill Nye. Your bowtie and skeleton in a raincoat is cooler than a dude in a giant rat costume, no matter what John says. He's a dork, what does he know?

I miss John too. I miss Jade.

I wonder about my Sprite. Would he think I'm a coward for refusing to time travel any more? Am I?

Teleporter, teleporter, two sets of stairs. Dark corridors. They're safe now. There's no insane clown-troll stalking them. The insane clown-troll is holed up with my boyfriend and my best trollfriend and my ecto-sis. I need to stop fucking thinking about this.

There's an airlock, because of course there is. In I go, doors open and close, and I step into nothingness. This is where Rose and I practised flying after we hit God-Tier, because there's a difference between floating around at speed from one place to another and actually being able to do stuff while in the air.

Rose and I did superhero shit and she made fun of my cape and I made fun of her dress and we bounced around like dumbasses. I wonder if John ever had to practice, or if he was just naturally good at it, being the Breath player and all.

I miss him. It's stupid. I kick off the floor and my sword is out. Fighting in space isn't like fighting on the ground. Air resistance, gravity. Normally, that whole not being able to breathe stuff is pretty important too. So the movements are different, the spin and the flash and the step.

John and I spent a week together once when we were twelve.

John had gotten it in his head that we were the best friends forever, even though we'd only talked to each other online, through shitty ICQ. Our first conversation had been while he'd been at computer camp and followed some links, I'd been messing around in between Bro throwing Smuppets at the back of my head and teaching me how to anticipate and dodge.

Bouncing around inside the meteor, I realize that he was trying to teach me about the Game before Sburb was a glint in Gamebro's eye. Of course, we were always meant to play the Game. We were always meant to flail and struggle our way through this mess. Bro was always meant to die.

John, I remember, wanted to be a programmer. He wanted to be a comedian. A Ghostbuster – “Ghostbusters aren't real, dude” – but not a chef. I wanted to be a rapper and an artist and an actor. He wanted to be funny and heroic. I wanted to be famous, for people to admire me and want to be just like me. I don't know why John and I were friends. I was such a little shit.

I'm still a little shit.

I flash forward, striking at nothing, each movement measured, controlled. John and I started talking when we were ten and by the time we were twelve, he wanted more than anything to see me in person. I remember telling him I could have been a thirty year old creep in a hat. I remember my Bro flicking the back of my head and us strifing while John rambled into our chat window.

He said it would be the coolest thing. The very coolest. It wasn't like Jade could visit us. She was so far away. Or Rose, her mother would never allow it, though I never knew if she asked. That left John and I, Bro and John's dad. I always thought of him as Dadbert. Broseph and Dadbert.

 _Bro will say no_ , is what I told him. I turned around, because Bro didn't let his kid bro surf the internet by himself. “You'll say no, right?”

I remember that he didn't have much of an expression on his face. I remember that he'd taken his hat off, and the way his hair kind of stuck to the bottom of his hat, and he smoothed it down. I remember him putting it on the top of the monitor and him sitting forward, putting his hands together, knuckles to knuckles and resting his chin against them.

“Do you want to go?” he asked, and it's been years. Years and years since he asked the question.

“What if he doesn't like me?” I remember asking. No one who'd seen me had liked me. Kids made fun of my eyes, teachers hated my attitude. They judged my Bro. Fuck them, fuck all of them.

Not John. Not Rose, not Jade.

John's dad played pranks and Rose's mom ironically liked wizards and unironically liked pink. Jade's grandpa had rooms of pretty ladies and armour and stuffed animals and a devilbeast. We were all alike. Weird and fun and dorky. I always told them I was cool but I never was.

“Do you think he won't like you?” Bro asks instead, doing that 'answer a question with a question' shit he always does. It means he wants me to think. To be cool.

“I want him to like me, and I don't know what he'll do if he doesn't,” I say. He nods. He reaches past me and grabs the keyboard. “Fuck, stop!” I remember saying, reaching for the keyboard and him elbowing me in the head.

\-- Your nickname is now talentedTechhead \--

TT: Hey, kid. John, right?  
GT: ya hi  
GT: omg are you bro?  
TT: That's right. Got a question for you. You have to answer it correctly.  
GT: okay sure  
GT: whats up?  
TT: Are you going to like Dave when you meet him?  
GT: oh man  
GT: thats a dumb question  
GT: i thought you were an adult  
TT: Humour me, kiddo.  
GT: of course im gonna like dave!  
GT: hes my best friend  
GT: :B  
TT: He's all blubbering and crying and thinks you'll hate him when you look at his peepers.  
GT: is that like  
GT: hang on  
TT: john he's lying i never cry  
TT: Insubordination in the ranks, John.  
TT: Dave grabbed the keyboard.  
GT: ok im back  
GT: hi dave you dork  
GT: :B  
GT: dad says peepers are eyes and no thats dumb!  
GT: whyd i ever hate him over something like that  
GT: so whats your real question?  
TT: My real question is if you can give me your phone number, so I can talk to your Dad, and we can make arrangements for a visit.  
GT: omg  
GT: omgomgomggggggggg  
GT: gonna get dads permission RIGHT NOT  
GT: this is the best i promise dave  
GT: and daves bro  
GT: hey whats your name anyway?  
TT: If I told you that, I'd have to kill you.  
TT: ;)  
GT: OMG YOURE JAMES BOND I KNEW IT  
GT: GOTTA TELL DAD!!!

\-- Your nickname is now turntechGodhead \--

I remember reading the words on the screen, in John's normal dark blue and my red in Bro's better, faster typing. I remember my vision went blurry in the way I wished it had a few years ago so I could wear my shades indoors. Bro had me pinned over his knees and I was craning my neck, and he had his elbows digging into my back.

“See?” he'd said. He wasn't technically telling me he was right and I was wrong because he'd never claimed John would like me, but he basically was.

“Yeah,” I'd said. “I see.”

“There are plenty of shitty, stupid people in this world, Dave,” he'd said while I tried to get myself cool again. “People you should make fun of, people you should sneer at. People you shouldn't give the time of day to. John's not one of those people. You need to trust him. Do you trust him?”

I wipe my thumb under my shades, and answer now what I said then. “Yeah, Bro. I trust him like I trust you.”

Bro had mussed my hair, let me go, and I hugged him. We didn't hug that much, not once I got past the time I was ten or so, but he hugged me then. He hugged me until John came back with his phone number, and I remember what he said then, too. Something I'd forgotten.

“Trust John more than you trust me. He's not going to leave you.” He'd known, I think. He'd known.

Then he'd let me go and gone to talk for fifteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds – why do I remember that? – with John's dad while John flailed at me like a spaz over ICQ. I kind of flailed back. It was going to be great. We were going to do everything. All of the things. He promised.

I spin and bounce and strike, over and over. I remember.

John's dad would be taking a week off from work. Last minute, but his work was pretty much willing to give him as much time off as he wanted, whenever he wanted. Bro worked at home.

I remember asking me how we were going to pay for plane tickets and him just throwing more Smuppets at me, but he'd kept his door closed tight, shoved a shirt under the crack in the door. I wonder now if he thought he was keeping it from me, what he did, where our money came from. I'd known. Of course I'd known. Our shitty apartment was only so big.

I'd wondered then if it was my fault. I'd wondered... if it weren't for me, if he'd have had a better apartment and a better job. I promised myself I'd be famous, that I'd make sure he never had to do it again. I'd find a way. It'd take care of him when he was done taking care of me.

Heavy thoughts for a twelve year old little shit.

The plane ride had been fun and scary. The airport was scarier, because if John and his dad didn't show up, we'd have been alone. Really alone in a place we didn't know after spending all that money and doing all that packing. Really unwanted. Really unwelcome.

I remember seeing a short dork and a tall dork and together they were holding up a sign that said STRIDERS and there were shitty drawings of our pointy shades on either side. I remember them waving at us. Welcoming us. Someone wanted us to be there. Two someones.

I remember John hugging me until my ribs creaked and Dadbert patting my shoulder and giving Bro a polite nod. Dadbert didn't wear shades, so his eyes weren't hiding. His eyes were smiling around the corners the way people do in pictures and movies. Dadbert was the first adult who didn't look like Bro was dirty, wrong. John was the first person to tell me my eyes were cool.

We spent the week going to beaches that were barely warm enough to swim in and arguing about movies and music and going out to restaurants to see John's town. I remember John asking when he could visit me in Texas and the way Bro went still. Dadbert went “Hm?”

I remember Bro saying that, yeah, John would be able to visit us. Not right away, in a few years. We'd see each other again. I remember--

TT: Dave.  
TG: ya  
TT: It's done.

Time to go.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John and Bro have one last conversation, Jeff and Jane talk over dishes, and Roxy and Kris make contact with the other session.

TT: Hey, kid.  
GT: oh hey bro  
GT: we had so much fun this week  
GT: did you have a good flight back?  
TT: We did. Dave's asleep right now. He didn't get much sleep on the plane. Some asshole was bugging him during the flight and we can't exactly go outside and strife that high up.  
GT: aww ok  
GT: im really glad you both came  
GT: dad is too  
TT: I'm glad too, we both are. Especially for Dave's sake.  
GT: :B?  
TT: Look, I don't want to get into it too much. Dave's had a hard childhood. A hard childhood, a hard life, but he's needed to live hard. Something's coming and it's a big deal. The biggest deal. The biggest deal of his life and yours.  
GT: is it high school?  
TT: I wish it was. There's so much I can't tell you. The four of you are going to have to sink or swim on your own. We can't join you, we can't help you.  
GT: i dont know what youre talking about, is that okay?  
TT: Yeah, it's fine.  
TT: Do one favour for me, and then this will be the last we speak of it, okay?  
GT: ok  
TT: Look out for Dave. Be Dave's best friend. Take care of him when I can't. Okay?  
GT: duh  
GT: but sure  
GT: its what best friends are for :B  
TT: Sure is, kiddo. Sure is.

\--

“It's our turn for dishes,” Jane says as she clears the table. I make a face and nod, helping her clean up. Jane's not exactly like John. Their faces are similar, like family members. The way Dirk and I look alike. Her eyes are lighter, her cheeks are rounder. John's teeth are more pronounced.

John freaks out when in a kitchen, and Jane feels totally at home there.

“Thanks for breakfast,” I say as she runs the water and tests it. I wait, towel in hand. Drying is the easier job.

“Dirk cooked breakfast,” she replies, her voice light. She smiles at me. I smile back, a little.

“You taught him though,” I say. “He didn't know how to do that before.”

“We spend our entire lives learning new things,” she says. “Also, he wanted to learn. He wanted to be taught. He doesn't like things he doesn't understand.”

“I bet,” I say, watching her hands in the water. “I don't either, really.”

“What don't you understand?” she asks, but I think she knows. She scrubs at a plate, waiting.

“How did you and Dirk happen?” I ask.

“Awkwardly,” she replies. “We met online. He was Roxy's friend, and I was Jake's. We all wound up talking to one another over the years, and we planned to play Sburb together.”

“That's what it was like for John, Rose, Jade and-- Dave.”

She nods, knowingly. “Games are good things to play with friends.”

“Bro was going to play too,” I say. “I had my name on my copy, but it got soaked, and then... so much happened. He never made it to the game.”

“All children lose their guardians someday,” she says softly, her expression falling. “Some sooner than others.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I say. She hands me a plate, I wipe it down. “I guess you don't want to talk about it.”

“Dirk and I?” she asks, and her expression smooths. “It's personal, but I can tell you that we didn't start out involved. We both had had crushes on Jake. I stumbled over myself and Dirk was the one to be his boyfriend. Dirk had made us both combat-capable robots. Mine was a bodyguard, Jake's was a duelling companion.”

I roll my eyes. “What a dork.”

“Yes,” she says. “A complete dork is he. You know about our entry into the game, but once we were in and I lost my bodyguard, Dirk insisted that I needed another one, so he said he'd protect me until he could build me a new one.”

“Do you read his logs?” I ask, and she shakes her head.

“No, we just confer. We're all friends here.” She washes more plates, and I dry them. “Dirk and I weren't used to one another. He lived alone aside from his robots for years. I was used to my father. We adapted to one another. We... bonded.”

“How did you do it?” I ask. Shit. “I mean, he couldn't have been easy to get along with.”

“Neither of us are,” she says. “He's controlling, I'm stubborn. He's anti-social, I'm used to getting my own way. We worked on projects together. We exchanged wisdom. We kept it on equal ground.”

“That makes sense,” I say. “I didn't think...”

“That he liked girls?” She snorts softly. “I didn't either. I don't think he did. That was... not something I'm going to tell you about in detail!”

“No! Shit, I don't want to hear about it in detail.”

“Very good,” Jane says, but she winks. “In the end, it's the three of us. Jake, Dirk, and I. None of us are perfect. None of us are without mistakes or flaws, but... each of our mistakes, each of our flaws, are things we understand about one another. We comfort each other, we prod each other out of our moods.”

“It's not about finding the perfect person, it's about viewing an imperfect person perfectly.”

“Yes,” she says. “Exactly.”

“That's some greeting card shit,” I say, but I think about Jade and I. I think about John. I think about Bro. “But it makes sense.”

“It does,” Jane says. “Also... there are many times when a person's imperfections are too much for one person, but nothing of concern for another. Breaking up with one person doesn't mean you'll never find someone else.”

“No one likes a psychic,” I mumble, but she's right. I was thinking it.

She flicks wet fingers at me, and I curl aside a little. “You're young, yet. Plenty of time to find what's right for you.”

“Sure thing, Nannabert.”

She smiles. “Tell me about John.”

“John's a total dork,” he says. “He likes practical jokes and hates clowns. He likes stupid action flicks, but especially anything with Nic Cage in it.”

“He'll get along with Jake, then,” Jane says, rolling her eyes. “Jake's never met a movie he didn't like.”

“...please tell me ironically.”

“Jake doesn't have an ironic bone in his body.”

“Except when--”

Jane flicks more water at me. “None of that. This is going to sound odd, but does he have a book about jokes and comedy by Colonel Sassacre?”

“Yeah, he got it from his Nannabert, after she died,” I say. She frowns thoughtfully. “You too?”

“I have an unabridged version and an abridged, edited-for-racism version,” Jane says. “A gift from my Grandpa Crocker.”

“Yeah, he loved that thing.” I think. “His dad loved to make cakes, particularly out of the Betty Crocker cake mix. He was so sick of cake that even seeing it would cause him to flip out.”

“Betty Crocker is a clever ruse by the troll Empress to seize control of Earth, along with her human collaborators, Guy Fieri and the Insane Clown Posse.”

“Okay, you have to be fucking with me, because Guy Fieri is the food network guy and ICP is hilariously bad, and apparently have a religion on Alternia, but they're not evil.” Her face is completely straight, and I stare at her. “Right?”

“The great unveiling was during the Rebranding on November 11th, 2011,” Jane says, and I blink. She looks at her hands. “I didn't believe it for a long time, but it happened. I was from the distant past of Roxy and Dirk's bleak future.”

“Shit.”

“Yes,” Jane says. “But it's already happened. All we can do is prevent it from continuing to happen. All we can do is win.”

“They're coming,” I say. “They're coming and we'll all fix it. Like, no goddevilbeast or evil Time Lord or wicked Empress has shit on a pair of Egberts.”

“Crockers,” she says, and smiles. “And Lalondes, and Harleys, or a whole herd of Striders.”

“Striders will take over the world through sheer coolness,” I say, and smile back. “Dirk said so.”

“Striders who will pass out from exhaustion and hunger without proper supervision.” She hands me more dishes.

“No way, Dirk's going to lead the independence revolution.”

“You can't survive on solely breakfast food.”

“Lies.” We're quiet for a while. Plates are done, forks, knives, spoons.

“I'm glad you're here,” Jane says after the last spoon has been dried, and she drains the sink. “Dirk and Kris are too. I'm sure it won't surprise you to know that we all are, but... that may help you feel the most comfortable.”

“It does, yeah,” I say. “Hey, uh. I meant to ask Dirk, but...”

She raises her eyebrows, and cocks her head to the side slightly. Shit, she looks so much like John that I expect her to come out with some stupid movie quote. Also, it's cute. Not appropriate. “Did you want to help me unlock my world? I mean, it'll take time, right, and working together will help it go faster.”

“I'd like that very much,” Jane says. “Just let me let people know...”

I tap into Pesterchum real fast.

Users Online:

golgothasTerror [idle]  
gutsyGumshoe <AFK> Have kidnapped the newest and most attractive Strider for an adventure! Make your own dinners. :B  
shadesSlick  
stolenSanctity <AFK> Dishbitch.  
timeausTestified [idle]  
tipsyGnostalgic

When Jane catches me blushing, she does Nannasprite's funny old-lady laugh.

Hoo-hoo-hoo.

\--

TG: ok think i got it  
TG: testin testin  
TG: ground control 2 major tom  
SS: Light of my heart, I think your voice is perfect in all ways, but if you start crooning Bowie into the chat client, you may scare someone off.  
TG: ok fine  
TG: so who do we bug first  
SS: Most of these clients indicate they're idle or offline. There's one here, though...  
TG: 'grimAuxiliatrix'?  
SS: Yes. You've got that list of names Jeff gave us, correct?  
TG: yep  
TG: scribd that shit down  
SS: Alright, do you want to start guessing the names?  
TG: sure  
TG: memememetesting 123  
TG: hello 'grimAuxiliatrix'  
TG: this is the null session speakin  
TG: pleased 2 meet u  
TG: we dunno who u are so we gonna guess  
TG: dave rose john jade  
TG: uh aradia sollux tavros  
SS: Karkat Nepeta Feferi  
TG: hey ur interruptin  
SS: I'm helping, my Morning and Evening Star.  
TG: u know lucifer was the mornin star right  
SS: So is Venus.  
TG: awww ur so sweet  
GA: Kanaya  
TG: eridan equius terezi  
GA: No My Name Is Kanaya  
GA: And Many Of Those You Named Are Dead, Unavailable Or Are Presently Busy  
TG: amg sry we were getting 2 that name  
TG: hi!!!  
SS: Greetings, Ms. Kanaya.  
GA: Hello To Both Of You, Whoever You Are  
TG: amg were r r manners  
TG: im roxy lalonde  
TG: rolal 2 my frnds  
TG: so u can call me rolal 2  
TG: wonk  
SS: My name is Kris Strider, though I do not believe Dave would have told you of me, if you do in fact know him, since I do not exist in his universe.  
GA: You Are Roses Mother Then, Or Her Daughter From Your Perspective.  
GA: She Gave Me A List Of Things To Tell You.  
GA: She Distributed It At A Meeting After There Was Some Disappearing The Last Time You Were Spotted, Though Dave Pointed Out That You Were Asleep For It Anyway.  
TG: amg musta been when i was sleepwalkin  
TG: dirky said i did that all th time when i could still go 2 derse  
GA: Ah You Too Have Lost Your Dream Self Then? That Is Unfortunate. Dream Bubbles Are Often Terrible But Sometimes Informative.  
TG: i dun see drem bubs  
TG: jus janey an kris an dirky  
TG: but i totes want 2 see this list  
GA: Very Well Here I Go  
GA: Rose Says: Tell My Mother I Love Her. I Understand Why She Did What I Did. I Understand Why She Didn't Do What She Did. I Wish Wed Spent More Time Together When She Was Alive And Not Passive-Aggressively One Upping One Another. I Like Wizards. I Dont Really Like Princess Dolls. I Am Pleased With The Compromise Of Princess Fluthulhu.  
SS: ...what's a Fluthulhu?  
GA: I Do Not Know But I Believe It Is A Horror-Terror Of Some Variety. She Also Concludes That She Misses You And Will Never Let You Die Again.  
TG: oh  
TG: em  
GA: Did I Say Something Wrong?  
TG: eff  
GA: I Apologize For  
TG: geeeeeeeeee thats th sweetest thing ever an i caught dirky an jeffy doin bro cudds on privacy island  
GA: Oh Okay Good. I Was Concerned I Blew It.  
TG: no im cryin omfg kris isnt it cute  
SS: I shed a noble and oily tear for its cuteness.  
SS: Ms. Kanaya, I feel I should ask, how do you know Rose and Dave?  
GA: Oh Uh Perhaps This Is An Awkward Moment To Reveal This But Rose And I Are In Alternian Terms 'flushed' Or In The Hearts Quadrant. In Human Terms She Is My Girlfriend.  
SS: ...  
TG: ...  
GA: Uh  
TG: squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
SS: Blossom of Summer, I think you just shattered my titanium eardrums.  
TG: thats so cuuuuuuuute  
GA: Thank You  
SS: I'm going to leave you two to squeal and flail, or at least, foist Roxy off on you while she squeals and flails, but I have one relevant question: when will you be here?  
GA: Three Days  
SS: I see, and do you have a plan for removing yourself from the meteor?  
GA: Not A Good One, So Your Help Would Be Appreciated  
SS: As it happens, I am an ideas man. Just give me all the details and I'll come up with something.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kanaya talks to Kris and Roxy, the plot is yanked back onto the rails, and this whole thing is an elaborate set up to reference an obscure rp joke.

  


GA: I Fear I Did Not Answer Your Earlier Question: Yes I Know Dave.   
GA: Dave And Rose Are Ectosiblings And Dave Is Involved With One Of My Friends, Karkat   
TG: is karkrab a dude   
TG: *karkat   
GA: No Karkrab Is An Excellent Thing To Call Him, I Believe I Will Adopt It If Dave Has Not Already   
GA: And Yes He Is Male   
SS: Interesting, but congratulations to them as well. Could you explain 'ectosiblings'?   
GA: John Egbert, One Of Their Friends, Discovered The Ectobiology Lab And Used It To Create Himself, His Alternate, And His Friends And Their Alternates, Who Then Travelled Through Portals To Skaia And Thus Closing The Circle, Which Has No Beginning.   
TG: wait wait im thinky-thoughtin here   
TG: so ur saying jane's granddaddy is his own grandpa?   
GA: Perhaps, I Am Never Totally Clear On Human Genealogy, Though Rose And I Have Discussed It At Length   
GA: Related To Other Matters   
SS: Other matters?   
GA: Uh Its A Little Private   
SS: We shouldn't impose, and also, there's the matter of the meteor.   
GA: Yes, That Is The Most Pressing Matter. Presently, Our Plans Are The Following: A) Rose And Dave Will Fly Us From The Meteor To The Session. This Plan Is Flawed Because We Have Two God-Tier Players Who Can Fly, Being Rose And Dave, And Four Non-God Tier Players Who Cannot, Who Are Myself, Karkat, Terezi, And Gamzee.   
GA: Plan B Is To Contact John And Jade To Ask Them To Carry Us To The Session, But We Have No Way To Contact Them, Though Since We Are Speaking It May Be Less Impossible Than I Thought.   
TG: actlly i stole some duders phone n hacked it so i cld talk 2 u   
TG: an kris copied his contact list   
GA: 'Some Dude'?   
TG: i was fuckin around in th void an i saw some dude in green an white drinkin tea and lookin at his balls   
TG: his crystal balls   
TG: wonk wonk   
GA: Uh Okay   
TG: n e way mabe i can talk 2 ur other friends thru it   
TG: but wats ur other plans   
GA: Plan C, Which I Have Been Told Should Never Be Called The Final Solution   
TG: it shuldnt   
SS: It should not.   
GA: Human Consensus Reached. Plan C Is To Go To The Null Gravity Space Inside Our Meteor, Strap Ourselves In, Having Previously Altered The Course Of Our Meteor So It Will Crash Into One Of The Planets In This Session.   
TG: janeyll freak   
SS: I'd ask you not to do that, as it took a great deal of effort to make these planets alive again and we feel quite attached to them.   
GA: Wait Wait Wait   
TG: this is not ur batman glass   
GA: I Don't Even Know What That Means   
GA: But That Seems Like A Very Dave-Like Interjection   
SS: If I understand correctly, Dave and Rose are the genetic recombinations of Dirk and Roxy.   
GA: I Believe That Is Correct, But You Will Not Distract Me With Non Sequiturs.  
SS: She's onto us, Roxy.  
TG: darnit  
GA: How Did You Revive Your Worlds? Such A Thing Should Be Impossible.  
SS: Jane.  
TG: lil' janey crocker  
TG: super mom  
GA: Perhaps You Could Elaborate?  
TG: bascly  
TG: janey is the maid of life  
TG: distri was all stubborn and 'no we gotta unlock r worlds'  
TG: and 'bluh bluh r fate is r own'  
SS: I recall he did say those words exactly.  
TG: so we worked on r worlds and they bloomed  
TG: janeys is th most awsum  
SS: My world and Jeff's world are new, but they appear to be functioning more or less normally. We were not part of the prophecy.  
GA: Prophecy?  
SS: All of the tombs on our worlds had a prophecy foretelling of four Nobles, Maid, Page, Prince and Rogue. Life, Hope, Heart and Void.  
TG: problem was, we were comin 2 slow  
TG: thousands a years from their time  
SS: So they died waiting, building their own graves instead of more tributes to their respective Nobles.  
SS: My world had neither consorts nor tombs, but it was meant to be unlocked.  
GA: Fascinating, And Rose Is Missing This.  
TG: we can stay on th line as long as u need  
SS: Orbit.  
GA: Beg Pardon?  
SS: We can put your meteor into orbit around our furthest ring. It will take some doing, but if you were prepared to alter the course of your meteor... of course, we'll want to coordinate with the other group as well.  
GA: You Should Yes.  
GA: Jade Is Your Space Player, And She Is God-Tier And Very Powerful.  
SS: Do you know her Chum handle?  
GA: Yes, Jade Is GardenGnostic And John Is EctoBiologist, Or If Hes Changed It Back, GhostyTrickster.  
SS: I'm noticing what is either a fascinating amount of coincidence across both universes, or a painful lack of creativity.  
GA: There Is Nothing To Say It Cannot Be Both.  
SS: A good point. Let's see-- hm, it would seem Jane has kidnapped Jeff for adventure and has left us to fend for ourselves like savages.  
TG: amg distri will eat us all  
TG: not in th sexy way  
SS: I have faith that Jane has not abandoned us so thoroughly that we need to resort to cannibalism. Though I do have one more question, or rather, a clarification I'd like.  
GA: Yes?  
SS: Are you a troll?

\--

The first thing that happens when I get there is Karkat hugs me tightly. I curl my fingers around the back of his neck and hug him back. Karkat and I aren't doing the quadrant thing. We spar and then we fuck. We curl up in each others' laps and talk about feels, sometimes ironically and sometimes involving rap. I tell him to cool it when he starts getting a little too snarky, and he does the same for me, though most of the time it winds up with us having a snark-off and our previous target slinking off, confused and embarrassed.

Do I love him? Shit yes I do.

“It worked,” Karkat says. Normally, he yells. Like he wants you to forget he's short and slight and his stupid backwards society thought he was unworthy because of his blood colour and some stupid design on his chest. Now, he's raspy, soft, drained.

“Better have,” I say. “You look like shit.”

He does, he's tired and his face looks bruised. If those are actual bruises, I'll take it out on the clown. Gamzee can weeble and wobble if he wants, I will make him fall the fuck down.

“You're fucking full of charm,” Karkat mutters, but pulls back a little. “Come see Rose.”

I go see Rose. Rose is exhausted, her skin almost grey, and she's barely awake. Karkat gives me a little nod, and I go to her and pick her up, like a kid. Like a puppet-doll. Like my kid ecto-sis. I stroke her hair and she relaxes, asleep in moments.

“She did the most work, brother,” I hear, and I look over. Gamzee. He seems smaller, less frightening. His face is bare, but scarred. The dumb looking fake God-Tier costume is gone. His gaze is clear, controlled. Sorrowful. He knows what he's done. “Her and TZ,” he continues. He keeps his distance. He knows. “My bro held me down and kept me goin'.”

“You owe them huge,” I say. Rose needs to go to bed, she needs Kanaya to snuggle her and watch over her, then Karkat needs to spend some quality time in Knight central. Terezi is bent over the table, kneeling on a chair, face-planted and asleep. Looks painful, but trolls move in mysterious ways, and sleep in even more mysterious ones. “Make sure TZ gets her beauty sleep.”

“You got it, bro--”

“And if you hurt her, I'll fucking stab you in a million timelines,” I snap, bump Rose a little higher, and jerk my head at Karkat. I wish I had more arms, but this will have to do.

Dave Strider, out.

Karkat doesn't say much along the walk. Gamzee used to be one of his best friends. Gamzee used to depend on Karkat to keep him calm and chat with him, and now... well. Karkat did him one last favour. That's it. That's done.

That's someone who actually knows how to shoosh-pap and doesn't think it's weird to have a dude smacking your face lightly.

Shut up. Just shut up. Now is Knight time. Not Dave-Strider-Is-A-Secret-Loser time. Karkat hits buttons and opens doors and supervises stairs – gotta watch 'em, bro – and then he's letting you into Kanaya and Rose's room.

Kanaya is on her computer, typing rapidly. She doesn't notice when you set Rose down on bed, or when Karkat moves the sheets so you can tuck her in. Doesn't notice when you each snag a seat and sit behind her. “Who're you talking to?”

“Apologies,” Kanaya says, startled. “I was absorbed.” She gestures towards dark red and bubblegum pink writing, interspersed with mint-green. “I have contacted the other Session.”

\--

GA: I Offer A Counter Question: Are You Human?   
SS: No, but I am a person.   
SS: I am an organic-mechanical amalgam, created from Artificial Intelligence and a bodyguard robot, with a little 'congratulations, Skaia recognizes you as a person' spice. If you ask me about Dirk Strider's Auto-Responder, I'm now capable of kicking you in the shins.   
SS: Are you a troll?   
GA: Yes. I Apologize For Upsetting You With My Question, But I Find Your Directness A Little Unsettling.   
SS: I do that to people, and it occurs to me that my response was somewhat hostile. I apologize.   
GA: Water Under One Of Your Human Bridges.   
TG: trolls don have bridges?   
GA: We Do, But Our Bridges Are Not Nearly As Amiable Towards Forgiveness As Human Bridges.   
TG: lol ur cute   
TG: i c y my mom likes u   
GA: Thank You, I Think. How Much Do You Know About Trolls?   
SS: At the risk of sounding hostile again, what we know about trolls is that they destroyed Earth as though it were a terrible movie.   
TG: omg we r not watchin waterworld again   
TG: bscly th batterwitch pretended 2 be betty crocker an took over th world with dumbasses   
TG: ppl tried 2 fight back but thy failed   
TG: dirks bro an my mom killed some of th big players but thy died tryin 2 fight her   
TG: when distri and i were we were the only 2 alive   
GA: That Is Most Unfortunate, And I Am Sorry For Your Loss. If It Makes You Feel Any Better, Which It May Not, Our Heiress Would Have Never Done Such A Thing, And While It Is Possible That Our Empress Would, She Did Not Because She Is Dead.   
SS: We don't necessarily feel that you or your companions would have condoned such a thing, but it still answers the question. What we know about trolls is that they were our enemies for a long time.   
GA: I Understand. Alternia Was Not A Nice Place To Live, Or A Gentle Place. We Learned From A Dream Bubble That The Previous Incarnation Of Our Race On A World Called Beforus Was Very Different, Peaceful Even. It Was Because Of That That They Failed Their Own Session And Were Forced To Commit Suicide.   
TG: bs   
GA: I Beg Your Pardon?   
TG: bs bs bs   
TG: dunno much bout beforus   
TG: great name btw   
TG: dunno much bout trolls   
TG: b livin hard dsnt mean u are better at th game   
TG: bc u will find a way in th game   
TG: our session was ded  
TG: d-e-d ded  
TG: b its alive now cus of janey and her life stuff  
TG: not bc dirky and i grew up on privacy island  
SS: Your insight is unsurprising but breathtaking as always, my love.  
TG: ty  
TG: gettin worked up 4 our guest sry  
GA: I Believe I Agree With You, If I Understand Your Words Correctly. I Have Considered The Actions Of Our Alternates And My Own Companions And Made An Important Decision.  
SS: Oh?  
GA: Most Trolls Are Pretty Much Idiots.  
SS: You would know best.  
GA: We Can Spend Time Discussing This Subject At Length When The Sessions Are Joined. Assuming We Do Not All Die In The Process.  
SS: A little faith, please. My ideas always work in the end.  
TG: tru dat  
SS: I am curious to know many things, but for my own sake, and Roxy's... what are Rose and Dave like?  
GA: You Will Forgive Me If My Fondness For Rose Shines Through In These Descriptions.  
SS: Trust me, it's understandable, and even very sweet if it does.  
GA: Rose Is A Seer, And Perhaps It Has Always Influenced Her. She Is Clever And Insightful, Wise And A Bit Too Sharp-Edged To Be Kind, Though She Can Be. Dave Often Describes Her As Terrifying, And She Can Be, But She Is Truly Wonderful.  
GA: She Is An Intellectual, Analytical, And She Enjoys Writing. She Can Be Sharp-Tongued And Also Kind. She And Dave Are Very Close. I Believe Humans Would Call It 'Like Siblings'.  
TG: badass  
TG: totes badass  
GA: Dave Is Pensive And Uncertain, But Covers It With A Great Many Words. He's A Strong Fighter, And Being The Time Player Is Always Difficult. It Forces The Player To Make Hard Choices. He Covers His Uncertainty With Inane Babble.  
GA: And Tends To Interrupt Serious Discussions With Personal And Embarrassing Remarks Related To Reproduction And Relationships.  
GA: He Also 'Refuses To Get' Troll Romance In What I Believe Is A Deliberate Statement Against Our Societys Social Habits.  
GA: Which Karkat Has Mysteriously Accepted Considering His Personal Fondness For Romantic Entanglements.  
SS: So, what you're saying is, Rose is badass like Dirk and wise like Roxy.  
TG: aww  
SS: And Dave is insecure like Dirk and makes inappropriate sexual comments like Roxy.  
TG: lawwwwwwwwwwwl yiss  
GA: I Believe That Is Entirely Accurate, Yes.  
SS: This is about to explode into a confetti ball of awesome.

\--

“Wait, are you serious?” I ask, though I keep my voice low. I nod to Karkat, and he gets into bed too, next to Rose. If Kanaya has an issue with it, she can... just... okay, yeah, she can cut me in half with a chainsaw, but I'm pretty sure she won't.

Kanaya only raises an eyebrow as Karkat rolls into Rose, they put their arms around each other, and falls asleep. Karkat is the ultimate snuggle-slut. He will get his pale on with anyone. It's adorable. “I believe you have previously conveyed to me that I am 'always serious'.”

“Yeah, that too,” I say. “Okay, so, what have you been talking about? Can I see?”

Kanaya glances at her screen, and minimizes it. “No. It's private. I will summarize.”

I raise an eyebrow, and give her one of my patented 'coolkid!Strider' looks. She gives me one of her equally patented 'Kanaya-Doesn't-Believe-Your-Bullshit' looks. So long as we both know where we stand, or sit. I look at her through my shades. Is she blushing? I think she is.

“Two of the individuals from the new Session managed to obtain a device that allowed them to find me, and apparently were given a list of names to test when communicating with my Trollian account.” Kanaya folds her hands in her lap. “You may be gratified to know that yours was one of the first they tested, whereas I had to interrupt them for mine.”

“Going through sixteen people can kind of be a pain,” I say. “So who were they?”

“Rose's mother and an individual who appears to be part-human and part-snarky robot. He uses the name Kris Strider.”

I frown. “Is that one of the new people in the Session?”

“It would seem so, yes,” Kanaya says. “There is also someone named Jeff that they obtained the list from. I have confirmation of a Jane Crocker and a Dirk Strider as well. I would have to assume that the final individual is Jake Harley.”

“Makes sense,” I say. Jeff sounds familiar, but I don't know why. “So what else?”

“The most relevant portion of our conversation is that they have a different plan. They will contact John and Jade and attempt to put our meteor into orbit around their furthest ring, thus preventing damaging their planets, which they claim to be alive.”

I smile, just a little. “Badass.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Roxy and Kris contact someone else from the other Session, and the plot happens.

  


  
SS: Which one do you want to try?   
TG: welp   
TG: john will b like janey   
TG: an jade will b like jake   
SS: So, John?   
TG: ya

\-- ectoBiologist has joined the chat! --

EB: uhh hi?   
TG: hi!!   
SS: Hello. You're John Egbert, correct?   
EB: yup that's me   
EB: hi!!   
TG: hi!!   
SS: My name is Kris Strider, and this is Roxy Lalonde. We're here to discuss your impending merger into our Session.   
EB: omg   
SS: ?   
EB: omgomgomg   
SS: Are you quite alright?   
EB: ARE YOU BRO?!   
SS: Not exactly, no. I was initially patterned off of Dirk Strider's brain, but have since grown independent.   
EB: are you like a robot?   
EB: like sonny from i, robot?!   
SS: Not exactly, no, but I am part-robot.   
EB: so you're brobot   
SS: ...'brobot'?   
EB: yea, because you're like bro, except that you're a robot   
EB: so brobot   
EB: duh   
TG: ya, kris, duh   
SS: It seems that we made a grave error.   
TG: aw don b like that   
TG: hey kiddo   
TG: i kno ur nanna   
EB: omg really???   
TG: ya shes my bffsie   
EB: awesome!!   
EB: does she bake too?   
TG: she cooks all the time   
TG: i want 2 steal her frm dirky   
TG: b she prmsed 2 cook 4 us all   
EB: i never really got to meet her. :(   
EB: she had an accident before i was 'born'   
TG: aww thats sad   
TG: u shld get 2 kno her when u join r session   
SS: Which brings us around to the topic that we contacted you for: how do you plan on joining our Session?   
EB: oh jade's just going to break us through the other reality window   
EB: unshrink our worlds and pop them into orbit   
EB: there's plenty of room, right?   
SS: ...   
TG: sounds like u got it all figured out   
TG: and i hope so   
EB: cool then!!   
EB: did i break brobot? :B   
SS: My central processors are intact. My brain may never recover.   
EB: hehehehe   
EB: pretty much i've been bored out of my skull for three years   
EB: and jade has explained all this to me about a million times   
EB: i think she's pretty sick of me :(   
SS: Three years... yes, that's a long time. So it's the two of you now?   
EB: oh no   
EB: we have all the consorts and denizens and nannasprite   
EB: no davesprite though :(   
EB: hey, have you seen him?   
TG: ya   
TG: he fell outta th sky a few days ago   
TG: skaia gave him a 'welcum 2 th new session' gift   
TG: it was th ground   
EB: oh no!!   
EB: is he okay?!   
SS: Yes, he's fine. By crossing into our Session, he became a Player instead of a Sprite. Unfortunately, since he was not God-Tier at that time, he was subject to the whims of gravity.   
EB: aww no :(   
EB: dyings no fun at all   
EB: ive done it like three times and its not great   
TG: rough session lil dude?   
EB: kinda yeah   
EB: but it's gotten me a lot better at doing the windy thing!   
SS: ...the 'windy thing'?   
EB: yeah!   
EB: ~~~~~~~~   
EB: (that's the wind)   
SS: I see.   
TG: u r srsly th cutest   
TG: how old r u now?   
TG: 13?   
EB: well i'm not sure what time of year it is now since we didn't really count   
EB: but i'm almost 18!

TG: ...   
SS: ...   
EB: :B?   


\--

“Jaaaaade,” I say. She looks over at me from where she's sitting on one of the chairs in my living room, looking serious. No matter where Jade is, she's still keeping us moving. Keeping us focused.

“Jooooohn,” she says back. I'm laying upside down, counting the weird stains on the ceiling.

“I'm not going to say it,” I promise. “Nope. Because we're almost there.”

She smiles a little. She doesn't smile that much, not really. I think she's tired. I think she's sad. I think she's frustrated and lonely, but I'm here. At least if she's frustrated at me, she's not frustrated at anything else.

“Almost there, almost there, almost there.” My cape flutters. “I'm so glad.”

“I'm glad too,” Jade says. “I've missed them all so much... even the trolls!”

“Yeah, me too,” I say, and wince. Hopefully, Karkat got over the bucket thing. “Meeting the ghosts was kind of neat, but not the same, you know?”

“That was mostly you,” Jade points out, and I wince again. “It's fine, this is important. I could have gone if I wanted to, I just didn't.”

“You're going to get to have the biggest loaf ever once we get to the new Session,” I say, and flip over. “People are going to treat you like a friggin' princess.”

“Once we get to the new Session, we're going to have to focus on all the problems we need to deal with,” Jade says, sternly and a little wearily. “Jack, and the demon, and anything else that comes up.”

Gosh. “Aww, Jade. I haven't forgotten. I just meant you don't have to be the one doing everything any more.”

Jade looks out, through space and time and stuff. She sighs, nods, and smiles a little. “I understand what you mean.”

“That's good,” I say. We're quiet for a little while. “Do you miss him?”

“Who? Jade asks.

“Davesprite.”

“Why do you always call him that?” She asks. She looks over at me. I shrug.

_Because it's my fault and I can't forget that,_ I think. “It's who he is,” I say. “So, do you?”

Jade sighs. “I do miss him, but it's for the best, John. You need to stop poking it.”

“Okay,” I say. I watch Jade a little longer. She fiddles, and her ears twitch. The dog ones.

“I thought things would be different,” she says. “I thought when we were all together we'd **be** together. We never really managed it though, did we? It took us so long to get into the game and get ourselves sorted out. We almost died. We almost failed.”

“Jade...”

She brings her hand up and wipes at her eyes a little. I hop down and give her a hug. She hugs me back. “I don't want to be ungrateful!” she says in my ear. “I don't want to say I'm not happy to have spent time with Dave. It meant a lot to me, but it's so hard to tell how much is **Dave** and how much is a **Sprite** , and I miss Rose so much, and Bec, and... just everyone.”

I stroke her hair. I get her to sit on the floor. “Jade, you're going to see them. Dave, and Rose, and even Davesprite. Maybe not Bec, but **he's** never going to leave you again. We're going to meet all of these new people, like my Nanna and your Grandpa and Bro and Mom Lalonde. Everything's going to be okay again, really okay, because **even if** we still have to deal with Jack and every other problem, we're going to do it together. Okay?”

“Okay, John,” she says, and hugs me. “You're really a good friend-leader. The best.”

“Aw,” I say, and smile, even if I don't think I am, or not much. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome,” she says, and then my PesterChum pings.

“Hey, someone's talking to me!” I say. “Do you think it's one of the others?”

“It's probably one of the Consorts,” Jade says, looking tired again. “You handle it.”

“Okay,” I say, and I do.

\--

  
EB: so davesprite is a player now?   
EB: does that mean he's gotten older now?   
EB: and doesn't have a ghostbutt?   
SS: All of those things are correct. Though his name is Jeff. He's chosen it for himself. Just like I'm Kris and not AR or Bro or Dirk.   
EB: ok   
EB: so what's he like?   
TG: p.baller   
TG: fun 2 talk 2   
TG: janey is adventurin with him now   
TG: they have 2 unlock his world   
EB: i remember doing that for my world   
EB: it was really tricky!   
SS: I have the utmost faith that the two of them will be fine. Jane is a responsible adult.   
EB: so not like me then :B   
TG: we thot ud b more like janey   
TG: but ur more like u   
TG: an thats ok 2   
EB: i try to be just like me!   
EB: oh man, jade's tired and distracted right now, otherwise she'd probably love to talk to you   
SS: We're interested in talking to her too, though not when she's tired, as you said.   
SS: Meanwhile, why not tell us about yourself?   
EB: okay! i'm john and i'm from washington. dave always makes fun of me because i'm not as good at programming as he is, but he's just being a butt.   
EB: i like practical jokes and i hate cake. it's so weird, i know, but dad always insists on using betty crocker cake mix and i'm just so sick of it! or, he did... before he died.   
TG: u hav gud instincts kiddo   
TG: betty crocker is th batterwitch   
EB: ooooh batterwitch?   
TG: ya shes an evil troll   
TG: she led th trolls 2 earth an did a secret invasion then a real invasion   
TG: by pretendin 2 be betty crocker   
TG: by my time an dirkys time there were no more humans   
EB: oh... that's sad   
EB: but it sounds familiar. I think the dream bubble trolls talked about it.   
EB: the empress was afraid of another rebellion so there were no more adults on alternia, just kids or criminal adults.   
EB: they stretched out farther and farther until the empress couldn't hear her lusus any more   
EB: a lusus is a troll's monster dad or mom   
EB: anyway because she couldn't hear it, it cried and when it cried everything died   
EB: and because of THAT the trolls kept moving out   
EB: trying to find a place to raise a new mothergrub i think   
SS: Fascinating, we never understood her motivation, other than the fact that she was manipulative and evil.   
EB: she was that too i think   
EB: you know it's really weird, but the trolls actually created our universe. karkat mentioned it. man he feels so bad about everything, all the time. but really, we all make mistakes, right?   
TG: oh ya   
TG: we kno ab mistakes   
TG: what else can u tell us about urself   
EB: uhh... i know!   
EB: dave's my best friend even though he's a butt. :B   


\--

“Oh, man, Jade, it's not the Consorts at all!” I say, and look up. Jade is gone, though, back to the ship.

Aw, and here I was hoping I could keep her from being too bored! Well, maybe I can poke her!

  
EB: jaaaaaaaade.   
EB: jade it wasn't the consorts at all!!   
EB: it's the other session and they want to talk to us!   
EB: if you have time, you should come talk to them.   
GG: john   
EB: oh there you are!   
GG: get to the bridge right now   
GG: hurry

**\-- gardenGnostic is now offline (Reason: NOW JOHN). --**

EB: uh, okay.

\-- gardenGnostic is offline, and cannot receive your message. --

Okay, so that was weird, but flying is the best. Better than teleporting and shrinking and growing, **Jade**. Especially when I can become...

...the wind! The wind is everywhere, it goes everywhere and it is everywhere and it's **so great** to be the wind! The wind wants to explore because it touches **everything** and it wants to **see** and **smell** and **taste** and--

Hang on. I need to focus, and be the wind slightly less. I get myself to the bridge and reform. It feels weird, sometimes, to not be the wind. I look around for Jade, and... oh, crap.

I've seen trolls before. Most of them were dead, and pretty much all of them were in dream bubbles, but this one... she's so tall, and she looks like she's wearing a diving suit, black with seams in fuchsia. Her hair is huge. Like, massive, 80's hair band huge.

“Feferi?” I ask. “But I thought you were--”

“John, that's not Feferi!” Jade says. Her hands are glowing green and she's shaking. “You have to be careful, you have to--”

Not-Feferi points at Jade and she screams, clutching at her head. I summon the wind.

“Get away from her!”

Things happen all at once. Jade's eyes go dead. The wind hits Not-Feferi and she goes flying.

From Jade's mouth: “Get ridda him.”

Green, and then...

\--

  
EB: something bad is happening right now   
TG: what goin on kiddo   
SS: We may be able to help you.   
EB: there's a troll on the ship.   
EB: kinda looks like feferi but i think she's evil   
TG: kid u gotta scram   
TG: thats the empress   
TG: there were pictures of her in my moms files   
SS: John, listen, you need to

\-- ectoBiologist is now offline (Reason: forced teleportation). --

SS: Oh, fuck.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the prepared posts. I've started drafting out the end of this story so hopefully it will start happening again. Thanks for reading so far!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, it's not dead! Now, I only have this and the next chapter written, but hopefully I'll update this more frequently than... two years in the future. *wince* Anyway, enjoy.

  
TC: HI JOHN   
EB: who are you?   
EB: where am I?   
EB: oh man, what happened to jade?!   
TC: ITS OK   
TC: EVERYTHING IS GONNA B OK   
EB: that's great and all, i'm really glad.   
EB: but i'm floating in space.   


\--

It's late when Jane and I get back to the house. Well, as late as it can be. There's still not exactly a sun here, but there's warmth and growth. My own world is growing now. Renewing itself, the dead and dying giving way to life and rebirth.

I feel... overwhelmed, maybe. Enthused. Jane's spend the last while filling me in on everything that's been happening, and we talk about what being on the ship was like. John. Jade. Being the other-Dave. I think I feel better about myself than I have in a long time, thanks to her. Thanks to someone who’s like John but not, and like Jade but not. It’s cool but weird at the same time.

The gate to my world isn’t part of the standard pattern, so it’s a complicated mess of flying and walking to get back to the house, to the rolling fields cared for by my family and my friends. It’s so weird, because it’s not how I grew up. I grew up on top of the world, looking down. I grew up at the bottom of the social rank and determined to climb it like the ladders and stairs that took me to the roof. Family is just one person who sacrifices everything for your happiness. Family is friends that love you and talk to you and listen to your problems. Family is people that torment you with dumbass puppets and tease you with psychobabble. Family is people who eat dinner together every night and eat fine-ass pie.

Family is the people you choose to surround yourself with if you let yourself get close to them.

“Deep thoughts,” Jane murmurs. “No, you don’t have to talk about it. Not right away.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I want to let things cook a little longer before I let you dig into my brain pie again.”

“Gruesome, yet tasty,” Jane remarks, and pats my back. “Well, whenever you want to discuss things further, I’m happy to do so. I think it’s good that you’re thinking, though, and not just reacting.” Jane looks around, and then points. “Ah, look who’s come to greet us.”

“Jane! Jeff! Hey!” Roxy waves her arms at us, and I brace myself for another wing -- haha, no wings, Skaia made me people -- crushing hug, which I endure like a cool kid. Jane hugs Roxy back tightly, and I recognize the sign of a clinger when I see it. Kris gives me a cool, stoic nod, and I give him one right back. “You wouldn’t believe who we talked to!”

“I expect you’ll tell me all about it.” Jane links an arm with Roxy, and then the other with me. Kris comes over to my other side and takes my other arm. “Let’s go discuss it back at the house, I’m certain Dirk and Jake will want to hear it too.”

“We’re off to see the Wizard,” I muse, and Kris gives me a look.

“If you start calling me Tinman, I’ll erase everything you own.”

“Tough metal titties then that I don’t actually own things.”

“I’ll own your--”

“Boys, please,” Jane chides, so Nanna it makes my skin crawl. “Not in our tender hearing.”

We follow the long, winding road up to the house that looms high in the sky, like some kind of dark and sinister tower, or maybe even the Emerald City. At least Kris has the talent to stop it from becoming a McMansion.

Inside is quiet, the lights in the kitchen and the livingroom out. Roxy and Jane split off to look around, while Kris plugs himself into one of the house sockets to look around.

I try to bring up a list of players in Session out of habit, and it just gives me the list of people online again. Dirk and Jake have switched from Idle to AFK in the interim, so no help there.

“They’re up in Privacy Island,” Kris says. “We should go disturb them.”

“Hey, Brobot.”

“Are we making that a thing now?”

“We are. Why’s it called Privacy Island?”

Red glitters behind his eyes. “When Dirk was young, he grew up alone, except for the robots, and the records his ancestor left behind for him. It made him isolated and awkward. Jane insists on calling it Feral Child Syndrome, though considering the research I’ve done, Dirk wouldn’t be nearly as coherent as he is now if that were the case. He did need a lot of socializing, but we’ve managed in the time we’ve been here.”

“Which was, what?”

“Three years, more or less.”

I think about it. “When I lived with Bro -- when **Dave** did -- we were always in each others’ faces. Our apartment was tiny as hell, and even when we had money, we still stayed in the same place. Like our apartment was too important to leave. I remember thinking… ‘if I have a kid some day, I’m not going to be like that. It’s going to be total privacy island’.”

“And an older, alternate version of you was Dirk’s ancestor. Interesting.”

“Did I do that to him? Leave him alone with robots?”

“You, personally? No.” Kris’ eyes gleam again as he retracts from the socket. He’s a Mind player, they do that. All their plots and schemes. “It’s cyclical, I think. The way you grew, Alphas and Betas, kids and Guardians. You were always going to be here.”

“Do you think you’re apart from that, just because you’re a ro-butt?”

“In a sense. I was created rather than born, but you all were. I was created for a different purpose and yet a similar one. Mostly, it’s easier for me to stand above the rest of you because you’re so-- hey! Watch the hair!”

“You barely have hair,” I say, and jump to muss it a little more. “Hey, Jane? Roxy? They’re upstairs.”

“Wonderful,” Jane says, and claims my arm, then Roxy’s, again. “Let’s go.”

I’ve been up to Privacy Island before, back when I felt isolated and alone. When I wanted to look down on the world and consider my options, what was going on. Now, crowded into the elevator that takes us up and up -- though not all the way up to the gate -- it doesn’t exactly feel the same way. It feels like a weird family road trip. It’s a fast ride, though, and soon we’re stepping out onto the balcony with the little rain shelter and the wide open space that’s good for strifing or, apparently, other things.

Dirk and Jake are lying on a blanket, making out. I tilt my head a little, a quality that’s probably bird-like but I’ll deny it if someone asks, and watch the pale hand that’s gripping a rump flip me off, without breaking stride.

“Dare I hope that you two did in fact feed yourselves?” Jane asks, and she doesn’t sound angry, just amused. I guess she’d have to be, if the three of them had been together for -- shit, three years. They’re practically married, assuming anyone in Skaia gives a shit.

“We did,” Jake says breathlessly, pulling away a little. “Didn’t expect an audience. Hullo, Jane. Join us?”

“Not immediately,” Jane says, and finds herself somewhere to sit. “Roxy and Kris have news.”

“We sure do,” Roxy says, and sits on the blanket next to Jane. She stretches out, and rests her legs over Jake’s. “We contacted the other Session! Well, it’s kinda movin’ **towards**  us, but pretty much, yeah.”

“Really,” Dirk says, and shifts a little. “What did they have to say?”

“Well, contacted two different people.” Roxy runs her fingers through her hair, and then twirls one end. I’ve done the first one, but not the second, and I don’t think Rose has ever hair-fiddled in her life. “We contacted the meteor hurtlin’ towards us at a speed of ‘holy shit but way too goddamned slow’ and Kanaya. She’s a troll, and she’s my mom’s girlfriend!”

“Your mother is dating a troll?” Dirk’s tone is flat, unimpressed. “Why?”

“Because someone had to usurp the family habit of dating an ogre,” Kris quips, and Jane and Jake both stare at him. “I was making fun of Dirk, for the Omnissiah’s sake! Don’t **do**  that.”

“At this rate, you’ll never get to sit on the blanket,” I mumble, and find a spot on the other side of Jake. I don’t know him well, but I already know how to get on his **good**  side, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Wonk.

“It ain’t any of your business who Mom’s dating **anyway** ,” Roxy says, and pokes Dirk. I’m not sure how she bends that way, but it’s kind of impressive. “But the important part is they’ve only got two God-Tiers, and four people who need transporting. Now, Kris thinks we can put the meteor into orbit, but it’d take some finagling. We contacted the **other**  group of people who are coming, and that’s when things get weird.”

“Define, weird,” Dirk says, as though lying on a blanket with three other people casually draped over him isn’t weird, isn’t something that makes him instinctively want to crawl away or stab them or push them off.

They were all excited to see my head explode seeing him kiss a girl and be domesticated, but I think this is the weirdest thing of all. Of watching someone who looks so much like my brother be so comfortable with other people. Want to have them around him and keep them close. Not just his boyfriend or his girlfriend, but Roxy too. Kris is contemplating where to sit, and decides that behind Dirk, so his not-twin can either hold his head up like an asshole or rest it on Kris’ lap. He chooses the second option, and Kris fucks with his hair. They swat back and forth while Kris talks:

“Well, we spoke to John. We assumed he’d be like Jane, but he seemed more carefree. He mentioned Jade too.”

“Yeah, uh,” I say, and all eyes turn to me. Okay, cool. “That’s where I came from, the golden ship. John’s cool. Well, I mean, he’s **not**  cool because he’s a huge dork, but…” I shrug. There’s a lot to say about John, but not for the People’s Republic of Pile. “So, what’d he say?”

“We talked some and introduced himself. He talked to use for a little while, and then said something bad had happened,” Roxy says, with another hair twirl. If I still had feathers, they’d all be puffing out.

“Bad? What kind of bad?”

“A troll teleported onto their ship,” Kris says, and projects an image in the air. It reminds me of Feferi, but Feferi was cute and sassy and didn’t put up with people’s shit. This one was taller, and a lot older than the trolls I’d seen personally.

“That’s the **Empress** ,” Dirk hisses. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?!”

“We can’t exactly fly out there and fight her,” Kris snaps, and flicks the back of his ear. Dirk swears. “Shut up. John was cut off from our conversation. According to the chat log, it was from forced teleportation.”

“Maybe Jade teleported him to safety,” I say, and I’m impressed at how my voice doesn’t shake. That warble is pure bird. “Maybe--”

It all happens at once.

I feel someone move up behind me, and since everyone on this world is in front of me, I turn. I stare Jade down. She isn’t hurt or disappointed or frustrated the way she was when we last spoke. When we broke up and I took off. Her eyes are flat and dead. No sparkle. No mischief. No teasing. Just like the lights are on but no one’s home.

What a weird-ass fucking saying that is, let me tell you.

“Granny?!” Jake cries out, recognizing her the same way I recognize Jane as Nanna and Dirk as Bro. Jade’s head turns, seeing him, dismissing him, looking past Dirk and Roxy and Kris until she finds Jane, tangled in a pile of people and unable to move.

“Found you,” comes a voice that isn’t hers, one that never sounded like it was coming from deep underwater, lower than Feferi’s soft bubbles. “Yer mine now.”

Something appears in the air, something red. Jane’s eyes widen. Dirk’s eyes widen. Roxy swears, but Jake **moves**. Jake sits up and unloads with two guns blazing at the thing, shooting it out of the air like one of those dumb clay disks. It spins and not-Jade snarls and then there’s movement.

Dirk and Roxy leap at her, and normal clothes change into God Tier costumes in an instant. Dirk’s hands glow pink. Roxy’s seem to absorb it, even as they turn the darkest shade of blue before black. All three of them go crashing down onto the floor.

Jake stares in horror, and his guns fall from his fingertips as he bursts into tears. Jane scoops him into his arms and hugs him, even as she looks like she wants to cry too. I recognize that look, that ‘be strong for your friends’ look. Rose has it a lot. Maybe John and Jade do too.

Not-Jade struggles and swears, some of it in words I don’t understand. Kris is yelling something -- I don’t understand it, but Dirk seems to, because he puts his glowing hand to Jade’s forehead. She stops trying to bite and kick and goes limp. A grey tinge to her skin that I hadn’t noticed at first fades until she goes the right, proper kind of brown.

“J-john..?” Jade whispers. “John, you… you have to run…”

“Hang on,” Kris says tensely, and touches her forehead after Dirk pulls away. His fingers glow teal-green. “There, she should be safe now.”

“John’s not here, Jade,” I say before I really think about it. “We don’t know where he is.”

“Dave?” She looks over at me, and then tears well up behind her glasses, and she starts to cry in the way I thought she’d forgotten how.

Jake wiggles out of Jane’s arms and, tears still streaming down his face, crawls over to Jade, throws an arm around her, and sobs into her shoulder.

I stare at the pile of sobbing, sloppy Crocker-Harley-Englishes -- friends, parts of my family -- and I just don’t know what to do any more.


	10. Chapter 10

  
TC: YUP U SURE R  
TC: ISNT IT GREAT??  
EB: uh not exactly  
EB: mostly because i don’t know where i am or what happened to my friends  
EB: plus i got attacked by that troll fish?  
TC: OK COOL  
TC: I WILL EXPLAIN IT:  
EB: cool i’m listening  
TC: U GOT TELEPORTED AS FAR AS JADE COULD SEND U  
TC: BUT BC UR AN HEIR LIKE ME  
TC: I COULD RESCUE U  
EB: that’s great  
EB: i am all for being rescued  
EB: especially by other heirs :B  
TC: UR WELCUM  
EB: but i have one question that i feel is really pretty important  
TC: OK SHOOT  
EB: who *are* you?  
EB: i don’t recognize your text  
EB: you’re not Karkat. You’re not as mean, or have the same text colour.  
EB: i don’t know any heirs that aren’t me  
EB: i don’t remember anyone else that has been mentioned  
EB: so who are you? where did you come from?  
TC: ITS OK JOHN  
TC: ITS OKAY 2 B CONFUS  
TC: (THATS FRENCH 4 CONFUSED)  
TC: BUT I WILL ANSWER ALL UR QUESTIONS  
TC: SO FOR THIS FIRST 1 THE ANSWER IS  
TC: IM THE BLUE STAR  
EB: :B?  
TC: DID THAT NOT HELP  
EB: not really, no  
TC: OMP WHERE R MY MANNERS??  
TC: MY NAME IS DAWN  
TC: OR SOMETIMES MUNA  
TC: SOMETIMES ITS GLEN  
TC: IT CHANGES A LOT  
TC: BUT I WAS ALWAYS HERE  
TC: SO DONT B SAD  
TC: IF U WERE GONNA B I MEAN  
EB: no, mostly i’m just still confused  
EB: what does it mean that you’re the blue star?  
TC: A LONG TIME AGO  
TC: IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY  
EB: dun DUN da da da DA DA  
TC: EXACTLY  
TC: U GET ME  
TC: I PLAYED A GAME  
TC: I HAD 2 GO 2 A WORLD AND UNLOCK IT  
TC: AND SAVE IT  
TC: 2 CREATE A BETTER ONE  
TC: WITH ALL MY FRIENDS AND MY BROTHER 2  
TC: SOUND FAMILIAR??  
EB: yeah, actually, that’s exactly what i did  
EB: ...but the session failed and we have to meet up with other people  
EB: we were almost there when we got attacked  
EB: did you get attacked too?  
TC: SORT OF YES  
TC: SORT OF NO  
TC: WE HAD A PROBLEM IN THE SESSION  
TC: BEFORE R SESSION THERE WAS ANOTHER 1  
TC: ACTUALLY A WHOLE BUNCH  
TC: TROLLS AND HUMANS AND A THIRD 1  
TC: THE THIRD 1 WASNT VIABLE AT ALL  
TC: SO THE GUARDIAN WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF WATCHING OVER US MERGED THE SESSIONS  
TC: IT CAUSED A LOT OF PROBLEMS  
TC: THERE WAS A SCRATCH  
TC: BUT SOME OF THE PEOPLE ESCAPED  
TC: AND 1 OF THE PEOPLE IN THE HUMAN SESSION WASNT REALLY HUMAN  
TC: AN OLD GOD WAS WEARING HIM LIKE A COAT  
TC: V SAD ACTUALLY  
TC: HE JUST WANTED 2 HELP  
TC: BUT THE OLD GOD TRAPPED HIM  
EB: wow  
EB: that sort of happened to rose, when she went grimdark  
EB: but when she died and came back, she got better.  
EB: but it was *really* scary.  
TC: YEAH THAT SOUNDS P BAD  
TC: SO OUR SESSION WAS THE NEW ONE  
TC: AND IT HAD 4 PEOPLE IN IT  
TC: 2 TROLLS  
TC: 2 HUMANS  
TC: AND WE DIDNT KNOW IT  
TC: BUT 2 FROM THE OTHER SESSION  
TC: CALLED THE MAIAL  
TC: THEY WANTED 2 MAKE A NEW UNIVERSE 2  
TC: BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF DRAMA  
TC: SUM THINGS HAPPENED  
TC: I DIED  
EB: oh no :(  
EB: i’ve died twice. like buffy.  
TC: ITS HARD  
TC: ITS HARD AND NO 1 UNDERSTANDS  
TC: BUT AFTER I DIED A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED  
TC: AND WE HAD 2 GET PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SESSION  
TC: THE 1 THAT ENDED  
EB: that sounds like… time shenanigans.  
TC: IT TOTES WAS TIME SHENANS  
TC: BUT WE MANAGED 2 SAVE THE DAY  
TC: AND THE SESSIONS  
TC: AND BLEW UP NALES GHOST MOM  
TC: AND SAVED DUSK  
TC: AND EVERYTHING WAS OK  
TC: EXCEPT THAT 2 MAKE EVERYTHING WORK  
TC: I HAD 2 ASCEND 2 THE GOD TIERS  
TC: AND WISH EVERY WISH  
TC: WHICH WAS DANGEROUS AND DIFFICULT  
TC: SO HAD 2 BECOME THE BLUE STAR  
TC: I HAD 2 LEAVE MY FRIENDS BUT I NEVER REALLY DID  
EB: wasn’t it scary, or sad?  
EB: how could you do it?  
TC: IT WAS HARD BUT ALSO  
TC: I WAS ALWAYS THE BLUE STAR  
TC: I COULD HEAR PEOPLE ALL ALONG  
TC: THE WISHES OF PEOPLE WHO NEEDED SOMETHING  
TC: AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS SAD AND SCARED  
TC: IT STILL MEANT I COULD HELP MY FRIENDS  
TC: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??  
EB: i think it does.  
EB: i guess if i had to become a star to save my friends, i would do it too.  
EB: but right now i think it would help less than if i could just find them.  
TC: I THINK THAT 2  
EB: oh good.  
TC: BUT I CANT JUST GIVE IT 2 U  
TC: U HAVE 2 WISH  
EB: because you’re the blue star  
TC: BECAUSE IM THE BLUE STAR  
TC: SEE U GET ME  
TC: SO WISH JOHN  
TC: TELL ME UR HOPES AND DREAMS  
EB: blue star light, blue star bright  
EB: blue star i see tonight  
EB: i wish i may, i wish i might  
EB: have the wish i wish tonight  
TC: THE BLUE STAR HEARS U JOHN  
TC: LAY IT ON ME  
EB: i wish to find a way to help my friends and save our session and the universe forever  
TC: UR WISH IS GRANTED  
TC: BOOP  
  
EB: uh dawn or blue star or whoever, i don’t think that’s how it

\-- You are now offline (Reason: forced teleportation). --

EB: uhh… where am I?

\-- You are offline, and cannot send messages. --

EB: oh… crap :B

\-- You are offline, and cannot send messages. --

\--

The place that I used to be was dark, without light. I’m not sure what I expected space to be like, but that wasn’t it. On the other hand, we’re not in a real place, we’re in the Game. Where killer meteors are real but unstoppable, where there are aliens that sound like humans and act like jerks but are really good friends, and none of them particularly look like… actually, now that I think of it, they are pretty grey, and do have big eyes. Just not the same ones as on X-Files or Stargate.

I guess that’s what growing up is like. Things are sort of like how you expected, but mostly not.

The place where I am now is also dark. It’s not warm or cold, it just sort of is. There are no stars here, but there is a path. A road, a spiral that I can see to walk on. Follow the yellow brick road.

So, I walk. Maybe I could fly to go faster, but I feel like this is how I’m supposed to be travelling, so I will.

Follow the yellow brick road.

As I walk, the road gets wider. I can see the earlier parts of the road. It looks like it’s a spiral, but then, it was like that in the Wizard of Oz too. I don’t have red shoes, or a dog, or a basket -- though I **am**  wearing blue, maybe that counts? -- but I do feel the wind.

The wind is sad here.

I’ve felt it before. Back in the Land of Wind and Shade, I remember feeling sadness, anger, frustration, but also joy, anticipation, excitement. I felt them because the wind felt them, and the wind carried things from one place to another. Hope, fear, anger, love.

Maybe this is what she meant by being an Heir. I don’t know if other people feel those things too, but I don’t really know any other Heirs. I think the trolls had one but I never really got to talk to them.

As I walk, I listen to the wind. I let it guide me along the path as it curves and winds outwards, towards somewhere else, somewhere I’ve never seen.

It looks like a kid’s bedroom but there’s no one inside.

Let me tell you, this place is a mess: there’s a bed to one side that looks more like a coffin than a place to fall asleep. The floor is bright yellow, like the road, but it’s covered in things. Drawings, but also toys and food. Mostly candy, but there are raw steaks, some of them half-eaten. There’s a computer, though it looks really old, like the kinds that wrote green on black instead of black on white, and a big, thick book, almost as big as the Sassacre.

I walk over to it to take a look, and--

“Don’t touch that!” I turn, and look around. What I thought was a window -- and why would there be a window in space? -- turns out to be something else entirely. It reminds me of a stage, like for a play or a musical, but smaller. Just big enough for one person and some puppets.

Back when I was younger, Bro and Dave visited us at home in Seattle. One of the things we did was watch a puppet show. I never really got why Dave snickered until Bro poked him. I still don’t think I do, but that’s what it reminds me of.

“Who’s there?” I call.

“No one!” replies the voice. It’s a girl’s voice, I think, though it sounds weirdly distorted. That might be the fact we’re in space, though. “Go away!”

“Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain?” I guess, and I’m rewarded with a giggle. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you. I was sent here by a… a friend, who said I could help my friends, and I guess that means you too. Won’t you come out and say hello?”

There’s silence, and I listen to the wind. It’s sad, afraid, ashamed. I know what that’s like. I remember when Jade felt like that, when Rose did, when Dave did. When I have. I sit, hovering in the air, but the wind holds me up. It always does.

“I’m ugly. You’ll hate me,” she says, after a while. “I don’t want you to be frightened and I really just want to be left alone.”

“I won’t hate you,” I promise. “I don’t hate anyone.”

“...you’re quite certain?”

“I’m really sure,” I say, and smile. “Come on out.”

“Well, alright then,” she says, and steps out from behind the curtain. She’s right, she’s not exactly pretty: she’s bald and dark green, with pants and a jacket in the same colour as her skin. She has green spirals on her cheeks and her eyes… well, they look blank and white, like empty windows reflecting a winter sky. “Hello, John.”

“You… know me? Are you a star too?”

“Oh, no, no… it’s…” She moves from the stage to the book I’d tried to look at and picks it up, cradling it in her arms. “I do a lot of reading.”

“That makes sense,” I say. “What’s your name?”

“Calliope,” she says, and the wind wraps around me, whispering. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. So, uh, what are you doing way out here in space?” I ask, and sit up a little on the air. “Seems kinda lonely.”

“Well, it’s… it’s **safer**  out here,” she explains. “Away from anyone that might… might notice me. I’m trying very hard not to be noticed.”

“Why’s that?” I ask, tilting my head. Davesprite did that, back when he was around. Bird thing.

“Well, I, oh… I’m afraid that’s quite complicated.” She walks to the stage and sits on it, setting the big book in her lap and leafs through it. “Surely you don’t want to hear it.”

“Of course I do,” I say. “I’m here, and the Blue Star thought I needed to be here. So I definitely want to hear your story.”

“I’m not… entirely sure who this Blue Star is, but I’ll try. As I said, my name is Calliope and I am a Cherub. My adult form is quite different than this one, much larger. My race hatches from eggs, and we’re born in an unusual way. I had a twin, of sorts. Caliborn. We were born sharing the same body. When one of us slept, the other was awake. The place we lived was much like this one, but we were chained up, one manacle on each leg. Only one manacle could be unlocked at a time, and it allowed us to have parts of the room that were only for one of us instead of both.”

“That’s the most aggressive line painting I’ve ever heard of. You were chained up? By who?”

“I don’t know, truth be told. I’ve never been sure, but yes, it was very much like painting a line across the room. It kept my book safe and sound, so he wouldn’t destroy it, and I suppose he had private things too. I never much cared to find out what. Perhaps that was a mistake.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “But… you were born in the same body?”

“Yes, because -- oh, this is a bit awkward. Our race is one of duality. We are born both male and female, as you would understand it. Both aggressive and gentle. We must fight for our identities, both internally and externally. As humans and trolls go through puberty and adulthood, so too do we… but it results in the death of our twin. Either the aggressive twin wins out over the gentler one, or the reverse happens. Then we are adult and fly throughout space to find our partner. They are always the opposite of what we are, and then we duel again, this time to continue our race.”

“Do… do you have to kill them too? Like a preying mantis?”

“No, thankfully, if I understand what you mean correctly. We’re really more like giant snakes. But there is a show of dominance, and the losing partner must lay the resulting egg-- you’re making a face. I must be disgusting you.” Calliope covers her face with her hands, and I reach forward to pat her arm. She looks up at me, empty-eyed.

“No, no… it’s not that. It’s just not how humans do things. You were saying, the flying snake that loses is the one who has to go lay the egg…”

“...on a world illuminated by a dying star. Once the egg is laid, they leave, and the egg is left to hatch alone, save for the fact that one is actually two.”

“That sounds, uh, no offense but… really melodramatic?”

“Oh, isn’t it though? It’s fairly ridiculous and I’m not certain how our race survives at all. I’ve never met another Cherub. I suppose I wasn’t supposed to, not until I reached maturity. Which, well, I didn’t.”

“Yeah, um. You’re… not alive, are you?”

“No, I fear I am quite dead. You’ve met ghosts before, I take it?”

“Yeah, when we were traveling. We were going pretty fast, so we didn’t see them for long. Some of them are pretty crazy? Other people that I was supposed to remember or have met but I couldn’t. It was pretty strange. So how did you die?”

“I didn’t want to have to kill my brother. Caliborn is… unpleasant, rude, uncooperative, and uncouth, but that didn’t mean I wanted to subsume him. I learned of the Game by observing others, and the book I have came from your Session, parts of it written by Rose Lalonde before she turned to the Great Dark Beyond for answers.” Calliope gestures to the book. “I convinced him to play with me by telling him that it would yield great power to win, and he does love to win. Unfortunately, he was a little too clever for me. While I slept, he had my dream self murdered, and subsumed my waking self while I was in shock.”

“Wow, that really sucks,” I say. “I’m sorry, but your brother’s really awful.”

“More awful than I imagined. I was fortunate, however. I was retrieved by a… a friend, of sorts, and delivered here. This is a space that is not a space, in space.”

“That seems confusing, but I think I get what you mean?”

“Trust me, the actual explanation was far worse.” Calliope sighs. “But I was told I would be safe here, with no one able to find me while I recovered and came up with a plan.”

“So, what is it?”

“There is no plan. I have no idea how to deal with Caliborn. I have no idea what they want me to do about him. I don’t know how to fight. That’s how I got into this mess in the first place!” Calliope balls her hands into fists, and even without eyes, I see how her expression falls. “I just feel so… helpless and alone. Help me, John Egbert. I don’t know what to do.”


End file.
